Tag Archive | "doctors"

In Response to Obamacare, Medical Schools to Lower Their Standards

In order to address a growing shortage of doctors predicted under the Obamacare program, medical schools across the country have announced that they will be lowering their standards for incoming med students.

“We used to accept only the best and the brightest”, said Harvard Medical School Dean Jeffrey Flier, MD. “Now we are forced to accept anyone with a high school GPA of 1.0 or higher”.

Flier said the Obamacare program is preventing doctors from making a decent living and the smartest students have been choosing more lucrative majors.

“Malpractice insurance alone is over $350,000 a year for most physicians”, Flier explained. “Office prices are going through the roof. Working conditions have become intolerable. Not to mention the skyrocketing cost of new technologies. It’s almost impossible for a doctor to make a living anymore. You would have to be a moron to become a doctor these days. So we have started accepting morons”.

Justin Perve, a high school senior, thought his career choices would not extend past mowing lawns and raking leaves but was overjoyed to hear he had just been accepted to Harvard Medical School.

“Oh boy!” Perve exclaimed. “I’m gonna be a frickin doctor! If this don’t work out I can still mow lawns on the side!”

Other medical schools expressed displeasure at having to ‘dumb down’ their requirements but said they had no choice.

Yale School of Medicine Dean Robert Alpern said, “in this current academic climate we have no choice but to forgo the best and best and the brightest and accept the scum of the Earth.

Alpern also stated that current testing requirements which include bedside manner and examination techniques will no longer be required. And students will not be required to maintain anything higher than a D average. And the tests will be modified to enable the less-intelligent students to pass. And cheating will be allowed.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures”, said Tufts Medical School spokesperson Amelia Aierhead.


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Sign the Petition to Create a Single-Payer Healthcare System

Glossy News editor Brian K. White has create a petition to the White House to create a single-payer healthcare system. Please take a moment to sign it.

UPDATE 11/17/12: Behold the power of GlossyNews.com… the petition reached the signature threshold and is now live at Petitions.Whitehouse.gov.

A single-payer system would do more than piss off a bunch of guys in suits, it would give coverage and an opportunity at greater health to tens of millions, lower overall costs, lower mortality rates, and level the playing field for all employers, with the biggest benefit going to small businesses. Read the full story


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New Malpractice Defense Tactic: Doctors Told to Fess Up

Washington, D.C. – On the advice of their attorneys and malpractice insurance company executives, doctors are now stepping forward and admitting their mistakes, hoping that a sincere apology and a couple of bucks will make multi-million dollar malpractice and wrongful death lawsuits magically disappear. “Folks who have erroneously lost an arm or a leg, or even a kidney because of a mix-up in charts know that they can’t grow those things back and they can’t buy a new limb or organ—they just want someone to own up to the mistake and say, ‘look, I’m human, I’ve erred,’ said Joe Shnuck, Chief Surgeon at Washington General Hospital. Read the full story


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