Tag Archive | "divorce"

Alastair Campbell’s Divorce Leads to Contentious Intervention from Blair


Alastair Campbell’s divorce is hardly the highlight of his recent years. In the recent divorce proceedings, his wife said:

My Alastair used to be a lovely lad. So modest, so honest, and with a heart of gold.

But ever since he started hanging around with that nasty boy from elsewhere, he began to change. After he got into bad company, Alastair started sneering at me and making catty comments.

Over time, he became ever more abrasive and dismissive, like some tinpot Peter Capaldi, or someone of that ilk. And needless to say, he kept leaving his dinner plate and half-finished cups of Earl Grey at his arse and expecting me to clear up after him, like I was his bloody lowland skivvy!

He has just become impossible to live with.

Campbell responded: Read the full story

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Woman Seeks “Unconscious Uncoupling” from Comatose Husband


HOLLYWOOD, CA—In May of 2010, Jerry Gilbertson of the L.A. Area suffered a severe balloon animal accident that ruptured a cerebral artery and put him in a coma. Nearly four years later, Jerry’s wife Deborah has become fed up and decided to go forward with an “unconscious uncoupling” from her husband.

“Jerry’s grown distant these past four years,” says Deborah, 44. “When I visit him in the hospital, he doesn’t look at me or acknowledge me in any way—it’s like I’m not even there. Plus, the sex is only so-so.” Read the full story

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Posted in Strange PeopleComments (8)

Jack and Diane Embroiled in Bitter Divorce


Back in 1982 a little ditty about Jack and Diane went viral making them household names and catapulting them into music immortality. Symbolizing small town kids living the American Dream of the late 20th century, the years have not been kind to the couple, who recently announced their plans to divorce.

Growing up in the Bible Belt and lacking even the most basic of sex education, the couple confessed to believing the rhythm method involved “just doing it real slow.”

Now 10 children, 14 grandchildren and one great grandchild later, they have decided to call it quits and separately do as they please. Read the full story

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, MusicComments (5)

Unconditional Love Granted, Conditionally (comic)


We all know what love is, it’s falling unconditionally in love with another person so that they can do no wrong… until, of course, they actually do wrong, then to hell with them! Amirite?

The conditions on your love may be simple or complex, plain or convoluted, but one truth remains, it’s impossibly bullshitty.

Him going to game night with his buddies, like has since forever, is actually normal. Her buying makeup you don’t think she needs is just part of her ritual. Read the full story

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Posted in ComicsComments (1)

There Are Only Two Ways Divorce Can End (comic)


If you’ve ever known someone who has been married, you know the pitfalls they face. An aging and perpetually less attractive spouse, inability to conscionably be with other sexual partners, and a general malaise that sits over your life like a 100-pound backpack.

Some look at it from a doom and gloom perspective, but others, as in this comic, see it in a much brighter light.

Remember, those who are engaged, there are only two ways out of a marriage, so make sure you do it for all the right reasons. Read the full story

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Posted in Comics, SocietyComments (1)

Family Research Council: Maryland Lawyers, Prepare for Divorce Workload


In an email sent to several law firms in Maryland, the Family Research Council (FRC) advised that should the marriage equality referendum pass on November 6th, they will be overrun with requests for divorce from currently married men.

This warning is based on the assumption that there are many married men in Maryland who wish to marry other men as opposed to their current female spouses.

We have not been able to find any statistics from states that have already approved marriage equality to back this up, so we have asked for clarification from the right wing organization. Read the full story

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Posted in EducationComments (2)

Divorcing a Person Suffering From Depression — My Personal Views on This Subject


My advice to a woman who is about to divorce her husband who is suffering from depression.

Right: Image appears courtesy of Heather Gillam. Click to enlarge.

Here I am quoting the very famous, beautiful, wealthy, upper-middle-class Virginia Woolf, whose husband was probably walking in your shoes at the time.

“Dearest, I feel certain I am going mad again. I feel we can’t go through another of these terrible times again, and I shan’t recover this time. I begin to hear voices and can’t concentrate. So I’m doing what seems to be the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I know that I’m spoiling your life and without me you could work, and you will, I know. You see, I can’t even write this properly. What I want to say is that I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me. And incredibly good. Everything is gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can’t go on spoiling your life any longer. I don’t think two people could have been happier than we have been.”

And another few lines, this time from one of the most famous psychologists in the history of the West: Carl Jung. “The root problem to all human suffering in this world is our unwillingness to face the necessary amount of pain in order for us to grow.”

I am a firm believer in this quote.

There is the truth that I always like to see the potential in everyone, even in the Black and Latino kids I taught for many years, most of whom, statistically, can’t make it into college. And even amongst despaired, depressed, delusional people, I see potential. I believe that this is our difference, and we have to draw a clear line here.

Since you do not want him as your husband anymore, therefore his problem should not be your problem anymore. Out of sight, out of mind, right? Then why are you still in so much pain?

There is a book called “The Beautiful Mind.” An young MIT woman fell in love and married a genius professor, John Nash, believing that he will bring her everything she ever desired. Years later, Nash turned out to be crazy. She divorced him in disillusionment and out-of-anger. However, later when she found out that Nash had nowhere to go and ended up on the streets without a penny, she had pity on him.

Without remarrying someone else, she opened her front door to let him into the house again and helped in treating his mental disorder. She worked hard to support the whole family and take care of this bum, who could not hold a paying job, for almost 40 years.

I won’t spoil the plot and the ending for you. Go read it on your own (or watch the Hollywood Version).

My father once wrote down something that I later discovered in his notebook, during a time when he was battling for his failing marriage with my mother: “If I can’t charge up this hill and back into her heart again, then this is the hill that I will die on.”

My parents could not be happier living and sharing their lives together nowadays after almost a decade of fighting, arguing, and under the constant reminder that there is a easier way out of this whole mess — divorce.

People are different. We all have different values while coming from different family backgrounds. And I must admit we all have to respect each others’ differences and boundaries. Coming from a stable and loving family, surrounded by unbroken promises of imperfect marriages of all of her friends, and living in such a conservative and collective society such as China, my wife does not even know the definition of the word “Divorce.”

That’s our marriage surviving! And I am grateful for this Chinese, conservative wife, who faithfully followed me through some of the worst years of my life. And I am indebted to the Chinese conservative culture where the divorce rate is so low compared to that of the West. And my wife and my marriage could not be better these days.

And I am trying to repay her for how much emotional debt I owe her for the rest of my life with heart-felt, honest gratitude of this undeserved kindness from her unconditional love for me. I am grateful for her, for not leaving me, every morning that I wake up beside her on the same bed.

I am not judging you. However, you want to hear my opinion, since there does exist an obvious parallelism here.

Here it is, fully told…

Sincerely,

Charles L. Wang.

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Posted in Opinion/Editorial, Serious CommentaryComments (1)

Wife Suspects Affair After Sandwich Filling Change


A wife and mother of three grown-up children was left in deep shock yesterday morning after her husband changed his sandwich filling after 12 years.

Michigan resident Margaret Beesteak rose to her alarm at 7am, as usual, to find her husband getting ready for work.

“This was normal. Henry, always up with the sun, prepares his lunch, makes a light breakfast, then it’s off to work,” recounted Mrs. Beesteak, holding back tears. Read the full story

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Posted in Strange PeopleComments (1)

Elizabeth Taylor: “Heaven Too Awkward”, After Running Into 5 Ex-Husbands


Modern day journalistic prophets have announced Elizabeth Taylor was in heaven for no more than five minutes before the first complaints rolled in this morning.

Taylor, famous for her feisty temper, charitable nature and a career spanning five decades with a total of eight marriages, claimed “heaven wasn’t meant to be this freaky. If God was the real deal he’d have sent some of these cheating jerks to meet Satan.” Read the full story

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, EntertainmentComments (0)

Mel Gibson Tortures Wife During Racist Rant while World Looks Away


TEXARKANA, Texas (GlossyNews) — Melvin, or Mel, Gibson, a 75-year-old redneck from Rockdale, Texas, stood on the corner of Cameron Ave and Main this morning. He was dressed in the requisite T-shirt and stained khaki work pants and holding a battered and half nude 72-year-old Dorinda, his wife of 50 years, by the hair while he screamed racist comments at the top of his lungs.

As a Sheriff’s Deputy drove by, slowing down for a group of vultures eating a dead something-or-other in the middle of the road, Mel hollered that a pack of wild niggers was going to attack Dorinda for wearing a pink bra. Then he screamed and yelled about how the Jews were taking over the world, followed by something or other about Mexicans, loose women, the Gov’ment then Homos. Read the full story

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Posted in Entertainment, Strange PeopleComments (2)

Ask Hank – Valentine’s Day Massacre in the Making


Dear Hank,

I need help, and fast. I’m a newlywed, and this will be mine and my new wife’s first Valentine’s Day together, but I don’t have two nickels to rub together to buy my sweetie something nice. It’s my own fault, I’ll admit. Me and a few of my buddies have been working on an old ’89 Ford Escort of mine to get ready for the stock car races that are gonna start in May. We blew the engine last season and we just found one we could re-build and, well, I think you can see where this is headed. Read the full story

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Posted in Society, Top StoriesComments (0)

Class Action Suit Says Hef Screwed Playboy


LOS ANGELES / Chicken Ranch, NV — Hugh Hefner, long living the good life on the Playboy dime, has been sued for refusing to give it up for the sake of his failing company.

The stockholder class action suit is known as the “Cocktail Napkin Suit” because it was written and submitted on a stack of well-used cocktail napkins (referred in court as CN). It also continued the suit’s statements and claims on several ripped junk mail envelope backs (referred in court as JEB). Read the full story

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & MiscComments (0)

Dear Hank: Sweets for My Sweets Making Them Obese


Dear Hank,

I’ve got a real problem. I’m considering taking a walk down the aisle for the 4th time and I already know how it’s going to end…in divorce. Why? Because I am the one responsible for the merry-go-round that is my marital history.

I know what I’m doing wrong, but I can’t seem to stop myself and I need someone to tell me why I do what I do, and I figured maybe you’d have some answers. Read the full story

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Posted in SocietyComments (2)

Yin and Yang To Divorce, Cite Irreconcilable Differences


Yin and Yang, one of the world’s most beloved and recognizable couples, has filed for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences as the reason for their split.  “It happens,” said the dark-haired Ms. Yin. “After thousands of years couples just grow apart. I’ll always love Yang and his bright, active approach to life, but it’s time for me to move on.” Read the full story

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Posted in Celebrity GossipComments (1)

Blonde on Blonde Caught on Tape


Mega-lawyer Elle Woods of Legally Blonde and spurned woman Elin Nordregan Woods are reputed to have held a tete-a-tete behind closed doors at Bloomingdale’s in Orlando recently. A TMZ reporter claims he taped the following conversation between the two women while staked out in the dropped ceiling above their fitting room.

Elin: Elle, I called you because, as a blonde — a Swedish blonde to boot — I need a lawyer who will take me seriously. Read the full story

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Posted in Celebrity GossipComments (5)

True Love, Romance or Just Plain Sex… What’s It All Mean?


Although “falling in love” is probably the most wonderful feeling in the world and the most mysterious state of mind one can find him/herself within, science tells us that “falling in love” is very transient and not the answer to most of a person’s problems. There is no “happily-ever-after” fairy-tales in real life, say the social scientists who study this phenomenon. The (informal) definition of “true love” in Western Societies really only refers to one thing: strong and passionate feeling that consumes both partners in “a strong romantic (or sexual), mutual feeling,” which is scientifically and empirically short-lived. Read the full story

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Posted in Serious CommentaryComments (2)

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