Tag Archive | "Colorado"

Coloradoans Now Even Bigger A**holes Since Start Of Legalized Pot


The wonder mellower-outer cannabis, always said to have a positive, tranquilizing affect on its users, has unfortunately not had such an effect on the normally ego-centered Coloradoans who recently legalized use of it.

“Criminy,” said Jim Bames, over the road trucker who delivers freight from Kansas to Colorado regularly “I thought that stuff was supposed to mellow you out! Why them guys now are worse than ever. They was plain old jerks before. Now that they’s smoked up they’s is now super jerks!” Read the full story

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Posted in Health, Human InterestComments (0)

New Marijuana Laws Spur Highest Home Prices in Years


New numbers have come out in the housing sector, indicating that in the next year, the states of Washington and Colorado will have the highest number of home sales in the country. Some other states are not too far behind. What makes these states so successful? Analysts say it is the passage of laws these past few years making the use of medicinal marijuana finally legal.

In Washington and Colorado, especially, new laws make it legal to possess and use small amounts of recreational marijuana. Read the full story

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Pot-Seeking Hippie Caravans Headed for Marijuana Meccas


Now that the laws are on the books in both Colorado and Washington state making the recreational use of marijuana legal, boomers all over the United States are hitting the road, plotting plans to get their fair share of the heavenly harvest while doing their best to stay under the radar of the local authorities in surrounding states.

‘Maravans’ as they are called, caravans of cars that are leaving from cities all over the US and headed for the two states that have what they want–marijuana–are becoming a regular sight on the nation’s back roads. Read the full story

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Posted in Human InterestComments (2)

Wild West, Non-Wisconsin Weinie Winters


Anyone who has spent any time in Colorado or any western ski resort areas has noticed the high density of Wisconsiners living there (to avoid any violent misunderstandings and to remain socially correct, by ‘high density’ I am referring to the percentage of population, not the thickness of their skulls).

There is a disproportionally large population of them coming from a state with only five million, most of them cows. I am one myself (a Wisconsiner, not a cow.) but don’t tell anyone. Read the full story

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Posted in EnvironmentComments (1)

6 Batmen Dead in Aurora, Colo. Shooting, 2 Jokers, 1 Bane & 1 Catwoman


“How am I supposed to tell my kids?” Ralph Gorman wondered as he watched stretchers bearing dead superheroes out of the movie theater. “It’s like Santa just fell off his sleigh into the Pacific.”

A lone gunman opened fire with assault weapons in a crowded theater at the opening of The Dark Knight Rises just after midnight on Friday, killing 12 and injuring 58 others. Among the casualties, however, were an assortment of both superheroes and villains that has puzzled police and raised questions about the integrity of these crime fighters. Read the full story

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Posted in Crime, SocietyComments (5)

World Stops to Mourn Victims of Theater Shooting


“It was weird,” Hector Santiago, a thug for a Mexican drug cartel, said through a translator, “I could tell something just happened – something more important – because suddenly I knew I couldn’t kill this police officer; it would make news headlines and I knew that, for some weird reason, I just couldn’t do that.” Read the full story

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Posted in Crime, SocietyComments (1)

GOPTea Spins Blame For Burning Southwestern States


WASHINGTON, DC —BobZaguy GOPTea Gov. Rick Perry of Texas has now officially been accused of causing problems by staging his “Rain Dance Prayer Services” in Texas. Weeks after the Perry Prayers were offered up in Texas, the Eastern and Northern Plains states of the US are awash in rain and flooding. As is California. Read the full story

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Posted in PoliticsComments (2)

Darkest Horse in the Race Officially Announces Candidacy For President


The following missive was delivered soaking wet with mud stains to the local publisher of dead, compressed tree pulp with black ink smathered across it:

Dear Aspen Daily News,

It is a great grievance to me to have not been invited to participate in your April 10th ‘Meet The Politicos’ special. Read the full story

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Baywatch Beauty Pam Anderson Cited For EPA Violations


Seedy Falls, CO – Pam Anderson, noted for being an environmentalist and animal rights activist, as well as a past Baywatch bimbo, recently purchased several hundred acres of pristine land, near Glenwood Springs, Colorado. Anderson hopes to use the tract as a wildlife refuge for abandoned bears, pigs, and cats and as a private retreat for the filming of another sleazy sex tape before her Botox wears off and her plastic hardens. Read the full story

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Posted in Environment, TelevisionComments (2)

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