Charles Manson Becomes Newest Member of Oprah Book Club

Corcoran State Prison, CA- You see what they try to do. They get in our minds. We gotta beat them by being in our own minds. You’re not the thought police. I’m the f’ing thought police. It’s because I think. They don’t think, you don’t think, but I think. That’s right! I think! I Think that stupid nurse thinks she can just do that stuff to me, but ohhh! Have I got news for her!

Shes gonna be my wife. She touches me on my face and I will marry her and then we’ll be in here in my cell, under my bed so they can’t come get us anytime they want. Because they want to be under there, but they can’t because its my place and I own my place, NO ONE ELSE!

The President’s out there, talking to the space men, telling them to come in and take all of this over, so I’m the only hope, DON’T YOU GET IT? When they make the robots, and oh are they ever making them, we’re all through! They’ll begin to eat us after tapping our phone lines and there’s not a f’ing thing you can do about it, but be police food.

You want to be pure? Huh? Do you? Well you gotta eat them. You gotta eat them before they can come and snatch you up in the middle of the night and rape you. You want to be raped? Unless you kill every last one of them, you’re done. Cooked like a goose. But what they don’t know is that I lay the golden eggs.

Judy Picoult, has outdone herself yet again by tackling such controversial subjects such as gay and lesbian rights, self identity, and family dynamics. She handles such sensitive issues with grace and candor to the degree in which one would assume that this is an autobiographical piece. She has certainly earned her reputation as a New York Times best seller and I look forward to her next contribution to the literary world. Another special consideration should go out to the Oprah Book Club for selecting yet another moving tale of adversity and self discovery.

-Charlie

Author: Jason Velez

I'm a stand-up comedian, author of "The Alphabet of Everything I Hate," an artist of sorts, and a rouge writer who's got a weird thing for oxford commas... like, really weird. Like three x's weird. Follow me @velezerraptor on twitter

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