Tag Archive | "2nd amendment"

Arms Manufacturers Hope for Another Massacre To Stimulate Lagging Gun Sales


According to a recent Bloomberg.com article, guns sales have fallen off sharply since the days of the Sandy Hook and Batman movie massacres which is worrying arms manufacturers and salesmen.

The fear of having guns banned or limited sent gun lovers, conspiracy theorists, survivalists and various assorted whackos scurrying for their local gun shops to buy up whatever thunder sticks and ammos they could get their hands on.

Those times are now referred to as ‘the good ole’ days” by shop owners. Read the full story

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Support the Troops: US Troops to Be Quartered in Private Homes


WASHINGTON – The Obama Administration announced today its new policy of quartering US troops and domestic security agents in private residences “for the safety of the people in these dangerous times.”

Known as “Support the Troops,” President Obama himself announced the new Executive Order.

“Let me be clear. This is a time of great national danger. The most effective way to stop another 9/11 or Newtown massacre before it starts is to move troops into private homes where they can protect the people right where they live.” Read the full story

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Harvey Weinstein to Open Fire on NRA in Upcoming Movie


Filmmaker, Harvey Weinstein announced Wednesday that he is taking on the NRA with a zeal not seen since Michael Moore’s documentary, Bowling for Columbine. Weinstein told Howard Stern that his movie won’t be a documentary, which will give him license to open both barrels on the NRA.

“No, I’m not going to get all in their face like Michael Moore,” said Weinstein. Read the full story

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Study: Illegal Gun Owners Have Larger Genitalia


In a recent study published jointly by the NAACP and the NCAA, it has been found that those possessing firearms illegally have a penis, on average, three inches longer.

“It’s true,” said Rebecca Haywood, spokeswoman and study researcher. “I’ve seen every man through this detention center in the past month, and I have to say, guys who don’t have [concealed license] permits are bigger in the penis by two standard deviations.” Read the full story

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NRA Head Wayne LaPierre As A Child Was A Real Monster


A recent biography of NRA Fuhrer Wayne LaPierre shows light on his character that reveals why he is so rabid on the topic of guns and their control.

The new book entitled ‘LaPierre- Assault Mouth’, contains the following passages:

RIGHT: AP image by doctored by Dan Casey.

Chapter 2, page 32, describes a shrieking 6 year old LaPierre running rampant with a scissors in his hand. His teacher, Maura Tarala, trying to take it from him, suddenly found she had a miniature Tasmanian Devil on her hands. Read the full story

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Pro-gun Lobby Calls for State-Level Ban On Schools


WASHINGTON D.C. – Almost a month after a gunman claimed the lives of nearly 30 people at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT, members of a pro-gun group have urged states across the nation to pass tough legislation aimed at banning the use of schools.

Chairman of Capital Arms – a firearms advocacy group in Washington D.C. – Todd Bryant insisted Tuesday that “tragedies like Newtown could have been prevented if kids didn’t have such easy access to educational buildings.” Read the full story

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Supreme Court Protects Corporations’ Right to Bear Arms


Washington D.C. – Today the Supreme Court upheld Corporations’ Second Amendment Rights.

This decision comes in the wake of the much controversial decision, FEC v. Citizens United, where the Court upheld corporations First Amendment rights to free speech by striking down provisions of the McCain-Feingold Act.

In the historic case of Wal-mart v United States, the supreme court extended the same constitutional liberties granted to free citizens of the United States to the mega store chain. the Justices were split in a 5-4 decision. The decision residing on whether or not corporations had the same rights as individuals since they were an assembly of individual citizens, including the second ammendment right to bear arms.

Right: Image appears courtesy of Heather Gillam. Click to enlarge.

Michael T. Duke, CEO of Wal-mart, said “This is a great day for liberty indeed. No longer does the American public have to be dependent on the United States Military for protection from foreign invasion, now they can get the same protection at a lower price.”

Wal-mart, employing more people than the US Army, has built a reputation of offering consumer goods and services at a cheaper price than any competitor.

Robson Walton, eldest son of the founder Sam Walton, explained “We already have enough firearms and ammunition to arm all of our employees. We also have the food and resources to provide Americans with a more adequate response to natural disasters than the military. We don’t want to replace the Military by any means, we just want to provide people with another option.”

Chief Justice Roberts wrote the majority opinion, stating “Corporations have been treated like second class citizens for far too long. It was our landmark decision in FEC v Citizens United that protected the freedoms guaranteed by the Constitution of these United States and had raised the question of corporations subservient role in our national context.

It is the opinion of the court that these patriots will be protected. We will no longer fear terror with the additional protection these private citizens will provide, to ensure freedom will be enjoyed by future generations without fear and prejudice.”

The dissenting opinion, written by Justice Sotomayor, was the shortest in the court’s history. It simply read “I’m moving to Canada.”

Mass mobilizations have been spotted around Target and K-Mart stores around the nation, Wal-mart citing the necessity for a preemptive strike before the “tyranny of these rouge chains can be contained.” Wal-Mart used grainy satellite imaging, processed at the Wal-Mart Photo Center impressively in under an hour, as evidence. These photos showed Wal-Mart’s competitors attempting to lower their prices in order to gain the capital necessary to arm themselves.

Wal-Mart, following their typical business model, has been purchasing armaments from China. They reported that “the Chinese have provided cheaper munitions, allowing Wal-Mart to provide world class security that a working class family can afford.”

Pentagon senior officials look forward to the relief provided by Americas corporations, going further to say “finally, the private sector is doing something to protect this nation.”

Duke, while cleaning a gold plated .45 caliber handgun asserted that “maybe now corporations will be granted the right to vote, guaranteed by the 14th amendment. Having to pay a politician to make sure your interests are met is such an arduous process, and unconstitutional if you ask me.”

Senate and House Republicans have rallied around the decision, emphasizing the reduced cost for future military conflicts they plan to blame on President Obama.

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Charlton Heston Returns From Grave To Protect Colorad Gun Rights Despite Batman Theater Shootings


The iconic movie matinee idol Charlton Heston has risen from the dead like a neo Jesus Christ to stick up for his National Rifle Association buddies after a gunman shot 70 people, killing 12 including children, at a midnight Batman movie premiere in the Denver area close to Columbine.

Rolling in his grave at the thought of another injustice to his beloved gun club he arose from the grave to make damn sure that didn’t happen. Just like he did after the Columbine High School shootings a short ways away from the Read the full story

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How California Grown Ups Play Cops and Robbers


After not being allowed into a California Pizza Restaurant one morning earlier this month, about 100 members of the OpenCarry Movement went to another restaurant in Walnut Creek, CA to show their fire power in full force, except of course, there was no fire power. Just a bunch of folks with unloaded guns, exercising their 2nd Amendment rights and showing off the fact that if they had firepower, it would, well, be inside their guns and not sitting back at home or in some cop’s possession after having had it confiscated as contraband. Read the full story

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