Categorized | Sports Scandals, World News

Putin Smirks: ‘I Venerate the Sweat of Sportsmen in the Evening’

Putin Smirks: ‘I Venerate the Sweat of Sportsmen in the Evening’

Vladimir Putin has now liberated most Russian football clubs and has gently taken them under his wing, guiding them into the comforting and steady hands of public ownership.

So from now on, if private football clubs wish to remain private, they must now prove their moral and spiritual worth (say nothing of financial!), by making their players wear long shorts for modesty.

Especially the men’s clubs!

However, in order to save a nice chunk of good honest taxpayer’s money for some achingly noble purpose or other™, and to save them from their erstwhile achingly perennial bourgeois-occidental servitude (whatever that’s supposed to mean!)…

A selection of public football clubs will still be allowed the option of shorter shorts.

Well, provided some individual or other with a reasonably adequate degree of moral authority and public reputation™ can get free VIP tickets to regularly inspect the lads…

OK, maybe just leave out the ‘or other’ bit! After all, not many people are qualified for this job in Russia, but if there’s anyone who can do it properly, then…

Well, you never know, do you! 😉

Nick Griffin is deeply unhappy about this radical-far-left/anti-BNP measure.

Absolute bloody disgrace! First of all, they laugh at David Irving for exposing the real truth about that pathetically fictive German footballing disaster some decades back, and now this!

Well, I mean, if those flaming faux-vanilla, sub-Irish, Pomo-Soviet plastic Trotskyites can do this, why the hell can’t we? I blame the…

Ah, forget it. That shit’s getting really old, isn’t it?

No sorry, I didn’t mean to be offensive™. What I really meant to say was: ‘That old shit’s getting really old, isn’t it?’

Nah! Not Thatcher. I meant the other vicious, coldblooded, cruelhearted free-market extremist.

Corbyn? Well yeah, that’s the one, isn’t it!

Kendall, Burnham and Cooper were largely in agreement with Griffin’s vaguely Blairite (not to say Blairitely vague!) dismissal of Jeremy Corbyn.

But tragically, nobody gives a rat’s arse what the Labour establishment upper crust think any more. What a ludicrous, pointlessly photogenic, cold-as-ice shower of bumbling amateurs!

(Although, something tells me Putin may not have a problem with that!)


So, that brings us to the end of this particular Glossy News football season for now…

Still, here is a hat-trick of recent highlights:

And just remember… it’s not over til the rugged captain groans!


This post was written by

- who has written 357 posts on

Conspirator-in-Chief of the Peace Criminals Project: Neocon Surveillance& Satirical-Industrial Complex! Also published on a range of satire sites. Currently co-editing Glossy News (under the webmaster, Brian K. White). Contact me to pitch or submit your satire! David Cameron says I am a #TerroristSympathizer. Islamists say I am an #Islamophobe. New Atheists think I am a #CravenApologistForPrimitiveBronzeAgeSuperstitions. MRAs & Alt-Right think I'm a #MatriarchalCuck. Others say I'm a #StraightMiddleClassWhiteBoy. And still more think I'm a #FuckingPleb. Just another edgy day at the Satirist's office! I am the Mayor of the Zero Fucks Community ;) @w_runnymede (Twitter)


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