Categorized | Travel

Dangerous Animals And Situations In The Grand Canyon And How To Deal With Them.

Dangerous Animals And Situations In The Grand Canyon And How To Deal With Them.

When traveling, safety is of the utmost importance.

Each year over six million people are gored to death in the Grand Canyon by cactii alone.

Don’t be a statistic. Be smart… I mean, you’ll still be a statistic, technically, but the better kind.

What to do in the Grand Canyon if:

You are confronted by a black bear-
Calmly stand your ground and fight back. Do not run as they will chase you.

A rock slide occurs above you-
Quickly try to determine where the rock slide is coming down and run horizontally in the opposite direction.

You are walking along the street and a car with California rental license plates is coming towards you
RUN!!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!! QUICK!!!!!JUMP IN THE DITCH!!!!

A rattlesnake is rattling his tail on the trail where you are walking-
Calmly jump quickly in the opposite direction from where it is. If it does bite you keep a cool head as they do not inject venom more often than they do.

If you are crossing the street and an auto with California rental plates is coming towards you-
IMMEDIATELY DIVE IN THE DIRECTION YOU JUST WALKED FROM!!! HURRY!!!

If you are find yourself near a mountain lion-
Calmly make yourself appear bigger than you are and stand your ground. If they attack, fight them vigorously.

If you find yourself at a point and a car with California rental plates is coming in-
JUMP OFF THE CLIFF INTO THE CANYON!!! IT IS THE BETTER OF THE TWO FATES!!!!!DON’T HESITATE!!!!!!!

If you fall in the river-
Calmly turn face up with your feet downriver and paddle backwards towards the closest beach.

If you are in your car in a supermarket parking lot and a car with California rental plates pulls quickly in next to you you should-
DUCK DOWN QUICKLY AND COVER YOUR HEAD!!!! PRAY FERVENTLY TO WHATEVER GOD YOU BELIEVE IN!!!!!! DON’T COME UP UNTIL YOU HEAR THEM TURN OFF THE ENGINE!!!!!DON’T LEAVE THE CAR UNTIL THEY ARE GONE!!!!!!!

If you are confronted by a gila monster-
Calmly stand still where you are. Observe the gila and see if it is agitated. Back up and walk a different way around it.

If you are going down a highway off ramp and a California rental car is coming up the ramp at you-
IMMEDIATELY TURN AROUND AND GO IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION!!!! IF YOU CAN’T BEAT THEM, JOIN THEM!!! BETTER TO RISK GETTING HIT BY ONE OF YOUR OWN STATES MEN THAN TO RISK GETTING HIT BY SOMEONE IN A CALIFORNIA RENTAL CAR!!!!!!

In closing, there are a few dangers in experiencing the Grand Canyon. There are a small population of creatures that can harm you, bears, cougars, snakes, gilas, bobcats and squirrels, but with caution their dangers can be avoided. But, whatever you do, FOR GOD’S SAKE DON’T EVER GO DRIVING IN CALIFORNIA!!!!!!!

Share

This post was written by

- who has written 552 posts on GlossyNews.com.

I was born and I died.
Being a disembodied entity makes it very cheap for me to get by. Not having to worry about eating or having a place to live gives me a lot of freedom to squander my time writing occasionally funny articles.

See more almost funny stuff at http://inyear252509.wordpress.com/


.

Leave a Reply


We are also looking for a satire editor
and a Clever Photoshop Guru...
We Made a Movie!


Check us out on Kickstarter!


Glossy News Exclusive Exposés


-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



Glossy News Fake Commercials!





More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

DHgate.com



All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial