Selvoka, Poland-(SatireWorld.com)
Former Ukranian concentration camp guard John Demjicunk’s trial ended today with a guilty verdict for the murders committed when he served as a Nazi death camp guard in German occupied Russia during WWII.
Earning the title ‘Ivan the Terrible’ for his frequent use of torture, indiscriminate terror killings of helpless inmates, and really lousy knock-knock jokes, Demjicunk evaded capture for nearly 65 years until caught living in the United States working as an part-time prison guard consultant at the Guantanamo prison complex in Cuba.
PHOTO INSERT: Demjicunk aka ‘Ivan the Terrible’ (third from right) meets SS Chief Henrich Himmler during an awards ceremony where Demjicunk won the funniest lampshade contest. Ivan beat out ‘Frightful Fritz’ and ‘Horrible Hans’ and received a pastic silver waist hoop signed by Adolph Hitler himself.
Charged with 29,999 deaths, Demjicunk 89, has mulled over the consequences of his actions, fearing the sentence of 25 years for each act of mass murder.
His attorney, Babba Worchinsky, says Damjicunk is in good spirits and can only attend his trial for 90 minutes a day, and because of his age, must be returned to his cell to rest.
As far as regrets, his attorney says,”John's only regret is missing out by just one and not receiving that "nice Waffen SS waffle iron as an incentive prize for an even 30,000. From what he told me, John does enjoy waffles and chicken every so often.”
Damjicunk claims he feels pretty lucky since the sentence could’ve been life, but says he did enjoy a rather profitable and prosperous time in the US after the war. He says things started going his way after he patented the Hitler prize as the Hula Hoop in 1954 and made a bundle.
LOL, really enjoyed that one.