Bigfoot Saves Man from Chupacabra

Spanish Forks, Idaho has long been famous for trout fishing and scenic mountain vistas. Many in this small town now wonder if that has changed forever, given recent events. Accounts differ, but most agree it began with local man Al Gunderson arriving at the Tri-Cities Clinic in bloody tatters. Nurse Practitioner Nicole Lowell treated Gunderson for injuries she described as numerous but not life-threatening.

“We’re not allowed to divulge peoples’ medical stuff you understand. It’s a law, called HIPPA. Besides, it’s just rude. But I’m sure Al wouldn’t mind. He’s already told everybody but the Pope anyhow.”

According to Ms. Lowell, the patient arrived around noon, disheveled and frightened.

“He looked like he’d lost a fight with a barbed wire fence. Little twigs were hanging off of him and one of his shoes was gone. We got him calmed down eventually and started cleaning the wounds. Shirley asked him what happened. That’s when it got really weird.”

As Mr. Gunderson tells it, he was in an isolated area of the Nez Perce National Forest not doing anything illegal when set upon by a ravenous folkloric predator. “Yeah, I’ve never seen one before but I don’t know what else you’d call it. It was a Chupacabra. Kind of like a dog only bigger, with a hideous face and huge fangs. So it chased me to the edge of the clearing where I hadn’t been doing anything illegal. It had me cornered in the brush. Nothing to defend myself with but my watering can and pruning shears. I thought I was a goner for sure until that Sasquatch showed up.”

Most Spanish Forkers are grateful for Gunderson’s surviving the crypto-zoological ordeal, but wish it could’ve happened without the aid of a seven foot tall furry Good Samaritan. Park Ranger Mark Carmen expressed sentiments shared by many in this peaceful mountain village. “Sure. I’ve heard things in the forest at night, it wasn’t coyotes or wolves. I’m glad the Bigfoot fought off the Chupacabra so Al could get away; right neighborly thing to do. But now we’ve got idiots tromping all over the woods with high-powered rifles. Happens every time a Sasquatch sighting is reported.”

Others were not so kind in their assessment of Gunderson. Medical Technician Shirley Bryce-Flaverhaven said, “I don’t believe him for a minute. He was doing something illegal when that Chupacabra attacked him.”

Author: Liberties-Taken

I write gags for Glossy News when an idea pops into my pumpkin sized head. Don't make a big deal out of it, OK? I contribute to my local food pantry and you should too.