Pretentious Scientists Deny Existence of Tangle Fairy: Roadies Outraged, Archbishop Conciliatory

Distraught and tear-stricken roadies have never doubted the existence of the wicked imp that tangles perfectly-laid guitar and sound cables when rock bands are touring. It’s always a disappointment to find your immaculately-placed equipment all messed-up and untidy.

Yet, the Oxbridge Centre for the Promotion of Reason, Progress and Scientific Evidential Enquiry Has Finally Proved that the tangle fairy does not exist.

Yes: apparently, the existence of a tangle fairy is implausible in terms of the known laws of biology, physics and psychology of mass delusion.Indeed: no photographs or videos of a tangle fairy have emerged, so we’re on shaky empirical ground here.

In addition, the whole idea of a tangle fairy is not merely unverifiable, but entirely unfalsifiable, and hence utterly irrelevant to any serious scientific discussion.

But roadies are outraged:

“We all know who this creature is. You put the cables in nice and neat, and when you finally arrive at the gig, they are all tangled…

“I mean, I hate these poncey scientists talking above us, from their ivory towers and shoddy laboratories. How can they talk down to us like this. I’ve never met a single roadie who hasn’t been harmed by this wicked supernatural being.”

However, Archbishop Welby is less disparaging:

“The Church of England does not currently have a stance on the existence of the tangle fairy…

“And as we are a broad church, with a plurality of opinions on matters not fully essential to salvation, I can only reiterate that we should not let ourselves become divided over matters which are really not fundamental questions in our faith.

“So, let’s focus on the core issues, first and foremost.”

But some of the more fastidious members of the Archbishop’s flock are not impressed.

Indeed, one traditional diehard Anglican warned:

“Typical fuzzy-wuzzy equivocation from the man on the top. I mean, if we give our enemies an inch, they’ll take a mile. I’m wanting to hear some really strong leadership on this issue…

“You know, secular humanists/atheists/Darwinists may think that there isn’t a tangle fairy, but I once saw him with my own eyes when we were having a beer or two and a cheeky smoke, whilst preparing for a Graham Kendrick tribute medley in the Greater Birmingham Post-Denominational Megachurch Congregation Centre.

“I mean, if we can’t even agree on these so-called minor issues, what chance will there ever possibly be for us to agree on the fundamentals of the historic Christian faith?”

Originally published on: The Spoof.

Image attribution:

By Foreign and Commonwealth Office [OGL], via Wikimedia Commons

Author: Wallace Runnymede

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