Categorized | Religionism

Global Fertility Crisis: Pastor Pat Robinson Warns His Sperm Count Has Dropped to Unprecedented Levels

Global Fertility Crisis: Pastor Pat Robinson Warns His Sperm Count Has Dropped to Unprecedented Levels

Pat Robinson has warned that Western civilization is in mortal peril, because of declining sperm counts.

Scientists recently sounded the alarm on this issue; but reluctant to lie idly on the sidelines of any contentious debate, Pastor Pat has also given his two cents on this.

You know, they’ve got all these… scientists, and academicians, and intellectuals, and what-have-you, and you know what…

Even they are running scared.

Radical Islam, the homosexual agenda and militant socialists and feminists have all put paid to any hope of a fertile, prosperous society.

Now, as I have often said in the past, as a man, I was made to wander and to stray.

Of course, I have never been unfaithful in all these long, long decades; and if you ask my wife, she will probably agree.

Good Christian discipline.

A woman who cannot stand by her man is an abomination in the sight of the Lord.

I’m sure it says that, in, you know, the proverbs of King Samuel, or some kind of, of thing like that.

But when you have….

You know, you have these Hillary Clintons, and Hilary Mantels, or whatever their name is, the Bill Clintons, and so on and so forth…

Who are practising this agenda of reducing the sperm count…

Believe me, if you have a husband, you want to look pretty for him. I don’t believe that woman has the first idea about how to please her man, and to look pretty, and to work diligently at her appearance.

But I can tell you that my sperm count is extraordinarily low, and I am sure I am not the only one.

It’s all too easy to blame the Devil; but you know, that is giving the Devil too much credit. The Devil may be the Father of lies, but Hillary is the mother of lies. And there’s no more dishonest creature on earth (heh heh heh!) than a dishonest mother.

You know, I heard these Chinese folks over there, they have this evil story of, you know, there was a dishonest woman who had a ‘dream,’ as she called it, of a ‘Black Emperor’ entering her body, and making her pregnant.

I mean, it’s not like the Black Emperor, heh heh heh, no, it’s not like, maybe, you know, some of these basketball folks who get in trouble, and, what’s the, what’s the name of that fine young African-American comedian, well I’m gonna leave it to you! Heh heh heh…

Not all black men of color, as I believe they call them, no, not all of these gentlemen are created equal, that’s for sure! Heh heh heh…

But no, it was some kind of infernal creature, we can safely say. And the people around were foolish enough to be fooled.

Not so, my brethren! Not so! God and his precious pastors are not mocked!

I think that maybe Satan was trying to trick them by blasphemously mimicking the Incarnation in advance; just like how, you know, all these transgender folks have been mimicking my low sperm count in advance, unbeknownst to the ignorance of their darkened souls.

Nevertheless, if there’s one thing we can learn from this, it’s that you don’t want to listen to all these…

These selfish, self-absorbed, hypocritical, fake Christians, who cannot stay on topic, and who are always making it all about them! I see it every day,  I see it in the media, in the liberal Hollywood elites, and most of all, I see it in ungodly female Democratic politicians, or even a few Republicans (let’s be fair!), who honor not their husbands, and have no fear of the Lord above or of their lords and masters here below.

I guess people like Hillary Rodham Clinton, and you know, the black woman, and all the other ones; they could probably learn a thing or two about hypocrisy, if they hearken to my words.

Some would see he is not too far off the mark there.

If there is one vice American televangelists are good at exposing to the cold, harsh light of judgment, it’s hypocrisy!

Well, second only to greed, of course…

 

Share

This post was written by

- who has written 508 posts on GlossyNews.com.

Sub-editor of Glossy News
Contact me to pitch or submit your satire! wallacerunnymede@gmail.com
You can buy my satire and poetry ebooks from many online stores, including Amazon.


.

Leave a Reply


We are also looking for a satire editor
and a Clever Photoshop Guru...
We Made a Movie!


Check us out on Kickstarter!


Glossy News Exclusive Exposés


-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



Glossy News Fake Commercials!





More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

DHgate.com



All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial