Last time:
OOF! Well, that was a nice Godly-Gish-sermon to tire you out. Now that you’re on the ropes, I’ll rush through the more embarrassing bit.
But what could it possibly be?
(Psst! Cryptic and mysteriously recondite hint… READ THE DAMN TITLE!).
Ha! Nope! You didn’t just hear me say I was playing mind games. It was just the Devil whispering in your ear.
I mean, any time you think you hear us say something superficially odd or incomprehensible, this apparent sensory impression comes not from an earthly, far less a heavenly source…
But from a purely demonic source.
Now then. Apparently, having a blood transfusion is just A-OK!
However, when Jehovah generously offers you a free gift, gotta beware of the conditions!
Like, he gives you a dick, you wanna be parking that shit in the right place. He gives you a womb, you don’t want it morosely rusting away from all your cynical disuse and selfish neglect.
Similarly, blood transfusions are only generously and graciously permitted to people who are not contaminated with unclean pork.
(I know, we actually said before you CAN eat pork! But we’ll deal with that ‘one in due season.’ Yup! It’s all in Ecclesiastes… well, provided it is translated correctly, of course).
So, dare to sensually experience the true, seductive passion of Jehovah’s passionately boundless blood-generosity…
By following The Ten Commandments of Divine Non-Porking Love:
1. You’ve never eaten pork.
But if you’ve ever been specially instructed by God to do so, we may just let it slide. Make sure you check with us first though, because we can discern this s*** much better than you can. 😉
2. None of your ancestors (unto the 70-times-70-eth-yada-yada-yada generation, both past and future), have ever eaten or will ever eat pork.
Any questions, ask Jehovah, but make sure you don’t make a false prophecy that merely follows your own whims. You know the Bible says that the Jews used to stone false prophets for doing that s***!
3. You’ve never been married to a pork eater.
4. You’ve never fornicated with a pork eater.
5. You’ve never committed adultery with a pork eater.
Well… that’s about 5 now. Think I’m going to clock off.
See next instalment.