Categorized | Religionism

Iraqi Suicide Bombers Struggle Forming a Union

Iraqi Suicide Bombers Struggle Forming a Union

Today union minded Iraqis formed Suicide Bombers Locale #467 in Baghdad but had to promptly look for a new union hall as a couple of the members brought their work in with them.

Sitting outside the smoldering building the surviving members passed an ordinance stating that all bombs in the future must be left outside the front door along with their shoes when entering. The lone dissenting voter was beheaded.

Troubles did not end here, though. Neighbors of the new hall on 76 Virgins Lane complained about the loud exhortations of “Death To America!”, “Long Live Bin Laden!” and “Which Idiot Ordered Ham On The Pizza?” that went on deep into the night. After the neighbors were all executed things settled down until some neighborhood brats thought it would be fun to steal one of the vest bombs by the front door and play “I’m a Jihadist” at the local mosque. Local #467 had to look for new accommodations after the mosque Mulahs not only had them thown out but excommunicated as well.

After a very difficult reorganizing in which members converted to Zoroastrianism, the brats involved in the mosque debacle were outfitted and marched off to Falujah as ‘volunteers’ for the cause. At their new place on Rest In Pieces Street the union organizers adapted their new religion to their cause by strapping bombs on vultures (No, Zoroastrianism is not the worship of Zorro.

It is a religion which leaves its deceased on towers to be consumed by vultures. Aren’t you glad you asked?). Unfortunately, most of the victims of the vultures bombers were people who were already dead.

Meetings at the new hall in one of the ‘bird buffet’ towers came to a violent end because vultures are very much like carrier pigeons and return home when their bombs have a delayed fuse with too much of a delay on them.

Their numbers dwindling and being excommunicated from Zoroastrianism as well, the union reorganized and converted to Jainism. This move unfortunately caused great dissent as Jains believe in not causing harm to any creature. This dogma frustrated some members to the point of blowing themselves up with no one around. Others were so annoyed that they made sure they took the policy makers out with them. Survivors realized they no longer had enough members to get a decent life insurance policy and voted to disband.


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I was born and I died. Being a disembodied entity makes it very cheap for me to get by. Not having to worry about eating or having a place to live gives me a lot of freedom to squander my time writing occasionally funny articles. See more almost funny stuff at


6 Responses to “Iraqi Suicide Bombers Struggle Forming a Union”

  1. Brian K. White says:

    They’re still more likely to setup a union than Walmart.

  2. Kilroy says:

    They have to work a lot off the clock, too.

  3. Brian K. White says:

    Can I just apologize real quick for my choice in lead photo? I now think it might be a tad over-the-top… pretty nasty. Sorry.

  4. P. Beckert says:

    A picture of a simple scab would have been a better choice. For cripe sakes.

  5. Brian K. White says:

    No, you’re right. I under-thought it from the word “go”.

  6. rfreed says:

    Looks good.
    But this photo was meant for the bin Laden bestseller article.


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