The Diminished Quality of Our American Hippies

I am writing this out of concern for the quality of hippies we have here in America at the moment.

The other day I overheard a small group of alternative types in a natural food store discussing how they were going to fly around the U.S. this summer.

Since when, I do ask, do hippies FLY other than when they have scored some particularly good dope? REAL hippies hitchhike or ride bikes or drive around in old VW vans that have seen more engine changes than Joan Collins has seen face lifts.

A couple of days later I heard a similar discussion in a local coffeehouse amongst a young group of gypsies talking about their plans to storm Europe by air (of course Europe would be too far to swim, but with the right drugs who knows what is possible…)

I’m very distressed by what these seemingly moneyed bohemians are doing to ruin the very image of hippiedom. Any real hippie worth his weight in sandalwood incense wouldn’t be caught sober indulging in such affluence (stoned- then maybe).

Whatever happened to the REAL hippies of the 60’s and 70’s- the long haired, Salvation Army shirted, patchouli reeking, unshaven arm-pitted, draft-card burning, black light illuminated, Food Stamp using, Grateful Dead loving hippies of yesteryear, the kind that made this country great? Just the other day I saw a hippie with a credit card. A CREDIT CARD FOR GAWD’S SAKE!!!!!!!! Oh, the shame of it!! Jerry Garcia would be rolling over in his grave if he hadn’t of been so fat.

I say it’s time for America to invest in a little of it’s most treasured recent history. We need to recognize them as cultural icons. We need to recognize their contributions to our society, excluding of course the sexually transmitted diseases. And most importantly we need to find a way to make some money using them.

We could make a social program by which we transport some REAL hippies from Berkeley, Boulder, Berlin or wherever to our major tourist areas to show those visiting our shores. They could camp out in teepees next to rivers and beg for change on major intersections.

It could add some local color to the areas, especially if they know how to tye-dye. And think of all the karma-free revenue the areas would make from all the head shops that would pop up.

Is this a good idea or am I just high again and imagining it all?