Let me tell you about Oriole Jaffacake. He’s a very bright five-year old child and comes from a nice home. Oriole is extremely polite, courteous and a normal healthy boy in both mind and body – and has a friend called Semolina.
While Oriole is a British-born Indian Asian and Semolina O’Dinga a Brit’-born Central African Ugandan negro they are next door neighbours and attend the same class at the Smegmadale Elementary School for Latter Day Bigots.
Last week Oriole confided one of his grandfather’s Kashmiri age-old adages to Semolina – on how God (the Christian bloke that lives in Heaven – not one of your infidel heathen Deities) created humans – and why they are all different colours.
According to Oriole’s Indian grandfather – who lives in the family’s back garden shed with the goats – when God made the first man he formed the desired shape – pretty much in His own image – then baked him in the oven for 30 minutes at Gas Mark 3 – but when he pulled him out he was still uncooked and very pale and white– so that failure was discarded and a called the ‘Honky’.
God’s next attempt went into the oven for a full 90 minutes at Gas Mark 6 and came out all black and burned – so this one He also discarded and called the ‘Nigga’.
Then God had a bit of a think, scratched his head, formed another human and put him in the over at Gas Mark 4 for 45 minutes – and this one came out perfect – a nice even all-over mid-brown – and as God’s masterpiece de resistance was called the ‘Asian Aryan’.
According to Oriole, Semolina found the old proverb funny and they enjoyed a good laugh together.
However last week Oriole and Semolina had a ball-busting argument over who’s turn it was to play ‘The Doctor’ and who’s turn to be ‘de patient’ in their covert ‘comparative anatomy’ games in Oriole’s tree house, with Semolina totally spitting the dummy when Oriole insisted it was his turn to be the Doctor and give her an enema with his water pistol.
Semolina went ballistic and buggered off home in a huff, then – following the premise that ‘revenge is a meal best partaken cold’ – grassed Oriole up to the official School Snitch the following morning regarding his ‘politically incorrect’ Creation story.
Oriole parents were contacted and summoned to the Principal’s office where they were confronted with their son’s radical ‘racially-superior’ mindset – labelling Caucasian whites and Negro blacks as ‘ God’s failures’ and himself – an Asian – as the Aryan Ubermensch.
Oriole’s parents attempted to laugh the matter off as a display of childish trivia not to be taken seriously but were given short shrift and informed that under new EU statutes the Common Purpose-trained (brainwashed) Social Services Gestapo would be involved – and perhaps the police also – to refer the matter to the Director of Public Prosecutions for possible charges to be levelled against the five-year old Oriole for inciting racial discord.
Obviously the school Principal was wholly ignorant of the fact that English Law states without ambiguity that a child under 10 years is incapable of committing a felony – even though upon attaining the age of eleven they can then be charged and prosecuted for crimes against humanity, ethnic cleansing and minor acts of genocide.
Oriole’s paternal grandfather Ramjam Jaffacake, a retired tortoise polisher, told a reporter from the Xenophobia Gazette “Hey the entire world’s gone absolutely bonkers – goodness gracious me – the God baking humans story is a bit of an old comical yarn really and not meant to cause anyone offence.”
“Even now, at 85-years of age, I still joke that I like my women the same way I have my coffee – not too dark, not too light – and definitely not too sweet.”