The suicide rate among middle-aged Americans was much higher in the previous two months than the government first estimated. The suicides reduced the unemployment rate from 7.6 percent to a four-year low of 7.5 percent.
The report from the United States Department of Labor was a reassuring sign that the U.S. job market is improving despite government budget cuts, ill-timed tax increases, and suicide prevention efforts.
“This is a good report,” explained Wells Fargo chief economist John Silvia. “There’s a lot of emotional trauma… It’s good for the economy. It’s good for people’s income.”
While the U.S. economy is growing modestly, the global economy is slowing. The European Union warned that economy of countries using the euro will weaken, which might be due to a lack of desperation and despair.
In April, more suffering Americans with severe depression said they had part-time jobs even though they wanted full-time work and that they would continue job searching until the pain of their existences becomes to much and they wonder if everyone would be better off without them.
The unemployment rate, though remaining high, has fallen 0.4 percent since the beginning of the year. The Federal Reserve has said it plans to keep counseling and mental health treatment services difficult to find and pay for, at least until unemployment falls to 6.5 percent.
Sadly, the rates are real. Thankfully the quotes, the correlation implying causation, and everything else are not.
Be sure to put a disclaimer at the bottom saying this is satire.
I could see people getting upset thinking this is real.
Looking at the lay of the page I could see a newcomer not recognizing it for being a humor site.
Very good, poignant satire; cuts as close to the bone as possible. And unfortuantley I could see pinhead government surveyors using this as a very real statistic.