Obesity Epidemic Caused by Lack of Nicotine, According to “Doctor”

Center for Disease Control (CDC) Assistant Director, Doctor Richard Fulcrum, announced today that the major cause of obesity in the United States is that scores of Americans are quitting smoking and depriving their bodies of nicotine.

“We notice that from the 18th century until the 1980s more people smoked and obesity was not a big problem”, Fulcrum stated. “Now we have fewer smokers but much more obesity!”

Fulcrum stated that he does not encourage smoking to his obese patients but does suggest they use some sort of nicotine delivery device such as patches, gum or the trendy new electronic “vape” cigarettes.

“Nicotine is a proven stimulant and appetite suppressant,” the doctor explained. “There is nothing wrong with nicotine.”

Fulcrum stated that nicotine can actually be good for you as the danger in cigarettes is not the nicotine, but the other chemicals involved in tobacco.

“Fewer children are taking up the habit of smoking and this is leading to a rise in childhood obesity,” Fulcrum declared. “We must find a healthful way of delivering nicotine to our young in order to maintain a slim, healthy society in the future!”

Fulcrum did suggest that there may be other factors involved in the current obesity epidemic such as poor eating habits, lack of exercise, apathy and poor self esteem, but these factors can also be treated with nicotine.

“If you have an electronic cigarette, for example, instead of reaching for a Big Mac you will reach for a Vape!” the doctor explained. “And nicotine is a stimulant so you will naturally want to exercise more. And we will notice that in past decades the coolest, healthiest, most involved people in the movies or society were those that smoked!”

Fulcrum stated that the CDC, in conjunction with the FDA, is working to approve nicotine as an anti-obesity medication.