Rochester Medical Center, New York —An announcement today by the spokesperson of the Rochester Medical Center in New York confirmed that the Mars Candy Company will stage an historic three-year long medical trial with their blue M&Ms candy.
It has been discovered that the dye used in blue M&Ms –Brilliant Blue G, as the dye is known– can help fend off spinal-cord injury. Rats treated with M&M-BBG, the lab’s acronym, showed improved motor skills after ingesting the blue M&Ms for their spinal-cord injuries. The downside? The treatment causes skin to turn bright blue, temporarily.
Feeding off this information, the Medical Center is planning to use the acting company Blue Man Group to be the “guinea pigs” for this trial. “Since they already have the blue skin,” the spokesperson said that “the scientists figured it couldn’t hurt. As the rats that suddenly saw themselves, tended to choke themselves to death at the sight of their blue skin.”
The Mars Company will provide each person entered in the trial with a 3-year supply of M&Ms, approximately 360 pounds overall, or 120 pounds a year. This is the equivalent of eating ten 1-pound bags of M&Ms a month for each year of the trials. Because of the seriousness of these historic medical trials, the Mars Corp. and the Rochester Medical Center staff have asked that no one under the age of 18 try this experiment at home without a doctor’s supervision. The corporation has also removed the blue M&Ms from public comsumption for the duration of the trials.
The founders of the Blue Man Group – Chris “Bugsy” Wink, Matt Goldman, and Phil Stanton– are quite ecstatic about the outcome of these trials with M&M Blue and their Blue Men.
Speaking for the group, “Bugsy” Wink said, “We can’t believe the importance that our group of actors will be to this historic medical advance. Who would ever think that simple little Blue M&Ms would turn out to be the savior of all the people in the world with a spinal chord injury. It’s quite incredible. And they are delicious too.”
Asked where the trials will take place, the spokesperson for the Rochester Medical Center said “The trials will take place wherever Blue Man Group is currently playing – New York, Boston, Chicago, Las Vegas and Orlando in the US and Berlin and Tokyo internationally. This will give us quite the variety that we are searching for in people who might find themselves with spinal chord injuries. These guys play for keeps.”