Tennessee School Board Asks: “Isn’t Fact just a Theory?”

Social unrest was spurred this week when the Tennessee politicians began to challenge the school board biology text book selection. Many conservative politicians believed that the book was very one sided and treated several theories as fact.

The conservative view point seems to stem from chapter 18: The Digestive System. In it there is a figure of a woman with an exposed digestive tract as an aid for understanding how the human body succeeds in the manufacture of feces.

The Christian right, which maintains that girls pooping is “only a theory” and cannot be supported by certain “historical texts,” was outraged that there was not another figure in which the female abdomen was filled with love for Jesus and abstinence until marriage.

In short, the problem arose from a lack of biblical references to girls pooping.

While passages such as “And the Son, of the Father, let loose an epic excrement and the odor of heaven rolled across the land inspiring the evil doers to beat their swords into plow shears…” and “Our Savior to show that he too was man lifted his robe and allowed a stream of brown and holy excretion to roll from his body, cleansing his mind and body…” have clearly made male poop an acceptable lesson, there is not one analogous reference for women.

In fact, the only biblical references to the hither aperture of a woman pertain strictly to what many have called “bone smuggling.”

Top level creation scientists have begun searching for definitive proof for the theory of Girl Pooping, but it has been slow going initially because no one in the Christian Scientific community is willing to admit witnessing a female squeeze out anything but a baby.

Unless proof can be provided by next school year, the Tennessee School Board has agreed to create a text book selection committee to draft a sticker to place inside the current books obscuring the original image.