Categorized | Crime

Weeks after Toddler Exile Fiasco, John Lewis Internal Dissident Mysteriously Disappeared… Um, ‘Disappears’

Weeks after Toddler Exile Fiasco, John Lewis Internal Dissident Mysteriously Disappeared… Um, ‘Disappears’

Notable socialite-apologist silk-peddler syndicate John Lewis has recently got into trouble for its new policy of systematically exiling toddlers and other vicious and unpredictable terrorists and master criminals:

But since this recent dastardly scheme started to unfold a few weeks back, some few brave internal dissidents have dared to play the aching predictable and mundanely tedious role of a tinpot Nicky Bukharin.

One irritatingly vainglorious John Lewis libertarian traitor rants:

Look, I know where the Supreme Leader is coming from on this one, and I’m not gonna be the one to challenge his unimpeachable wisdom. But, just think about it!

I mean, I know these evil toddlers are unscrupulous and evil and wicked and just plain barbaric, but don’t you understand that viciously hammering down on these vile people is precisely what they want? We’re just playing into their hands by disrupting our customary cozy, complacent, petit-bourgeois Surrey UKIP retiree way of life! But isn’t that precisely what these wicked bastards WANT us to do?!

Look, our enemies are numerous and powerful, and their powers of cunning and of devious manipulation are beyond dispute. I mean, I wouldn’t want to run into one of these cynical, brutish hooligans in a dimly-lit sarong alley next to the gluten-free probiotic aspic jelly crackers, I can tell you! But don’t you see that the moment we start changing the way we do things, the bad guys have already won?

Since then, nothing has been seen or heard of this achingly have-a-go-how-about-selling-outer.

But  still…

My lips are sealed! 😉

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- who has written 326 posts on GlossyNews.com.

Conspirator-in-Chief of the Peace Criminals Project: Neocon Surveillance& Satirical-Industrial Complex! Also published on a range of satire sites. Currently co-editing Glossy News (under the webmaster, Brian K. White). Contact me to pitch or submit your satire! David Cameron says I am a #TerroristSympathizer. Islamists say I am an #Islamophobe. New Atheists think I am a #CravenApologistForPrimitiveBronzeAgeSuperstitions. MRAs & Alt-Right think I'm a #MatriarchalCuck. Others say I'm a #StraightMiddleClassWhiteBoy. And still more think I'm a #FuckingPleb. Just another edgy day at the Satirist's office! I am the Mayor of the Zero Fucks Community ;) @w_runnymede (Twitter) wallacerunnymede@gmail.com

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