As Marcus Nowlberg walked down the sidewalk in his hometown of Suburbiaville, Colorado one August evening, little did he know that his life was about to about to change dramatically.
“Hey kid!” a creepy voice yelled out of the alley he was passing. “Wanna make some big money?”
“What’s up?” replied Marcus, a bit frightened. He couldn’t quite make out the middle aged man who called out to him from the darkness, but he could see that he was wearing a 50’s style fedora and a trench coat. “Oh nuts!” he thought, “Another pervert wanting to flash me!”
“Check this out!” said the man, stepping out of the shadows and opening his coat, hastening Marcus’s worst fears. The streetlight showed his face to resemble those of the 1040’s gangsters from the Indiana Jones movies.
Apparently he was going to see another old naked guy show off his Viagra enhanced erection. Markus was relieved when the opened trench coat revealed instead an impressive array of hand guns and semi automatic weaponry instead.
After his initial astonishment Marcus thought to himself that this guy must have a spine on him as strong as that of the nasty, lizard thing that chases Sigourney Weaver around in the first Alien movie to support all that weight.
“Wow! That’s really some stuff!”
“Yeah, kid, and that ain’t all of it! How would you like to get yer paws on machinery like this?”
“Cool! That would be sweet!”
“Well here’s what ya gotta do. You know some screwed up kids at school, don’t you? Or some tough nuts who like to fight?”
“Yeah, sure! Everybody does.”
“Well, you just pass some of these beauties on to them and you get $100 to stick in yer pocket. Howzabout that? Think of all the Batman movies you can go see with that money or all the nudie magazines you could buy?”
“Wow!”
“Wow is right. So here…” he loads the kid up with a few handguns. “Start out with these. If you can unload these there will be more. But remember- they have to go to screwed up kids and toughies. I don’t want these things goin’ to no glee club people or hunters. I want ‘em to go to punks who will use them right.”
Hiding the guns in his belt and backpack, Markus looks up at the man with a curious expression. “Why are you doing this?”
The big man bent down and talked in a lower tone of voice to avoid being heard. “You see kid, I’m one of the promoters for the National Rifle Association, the NRA. Whenever there is big shooting like what happened at the movie theater in Denver or at Columbine in Littleton, there is a big rush to buy guns ‘cause ammo nuts think that there is going to be a big crackdown on selling guns. They go out and buy ‘em like crazy. Business goes through the roof. So we figure, the more massacres, the better business is. And you, my friend, git to be in on the action!”
Marcus stopped short. His brain had to run through many side channels before registering exactly what the guy had said. When it finally did fully impact him, he handed the guns back to him.
“What the hell? Don’t you want to make some money?”
“No, thank you. Somehow, in this case, money just isn’t as important. I don’t need it that bad.”
The man’s face seemed to explode like a thrown tomato. “What’s wrong with you kid? Too scared of a little gun? Or are you a pansy? Faggot, faggot, doesn’t have the guts to shoot a maggot! Its kids like you that are ruining America! Afraid to stand up for things! Don’t have any incentive to get ahead. Ah, go on with you! I’ll find someone else. There are plenty of kids who want to make a few bucks. And plenty of nutcases to take the guns from them! I don’t need you…”
Marcus walked on towards home, ignoring the old man’s rants. His shouting voice diminished as the steps drew Marcus further from him. Marcus made a mental point to avoid all men with trench coats from then on.
I read someplace where the founding fathers weren’t great spellers and this particular right to bear arms was actually giving people the right to wear sleeveless shirts, almost unheard of back in those days. It was supposed to read right to “bare” arms. There are more mistakes such as this in the Constitution; however, no one has really gone through it thoroughly enough to catch them all. Mostly, people just use the parts they need to further their own causes. This one just took off and there is now no way that we’ll ever be able to get back to the original meaning without protests, petitions, and ultimately an Amendment to amend the word bear. It’s just too much trouble. I thought it was a joke, but finally looked it up and learned back then, they didn’t even call guns “arms” they called them guns.
Wait a minute! Are you telling me that my right to bear arms doesn’t come with the right to threaten to use them unless I get my way? And that I don’t have the right to gun down whoever threatens me? So what’s the point of having the right to bear arms? Might just as well arm bears?
NRA people can’t handle any critisism.
They try to stomp it out.
They try to intimidate which is pretty much the reason a lot of people wnat guns in the first place.
Am I anti-gun?
No.
But I am anti any organization which specializes in intimidation, slander, dirty tricks, government manipulation and the supression of free speech. They can scream about the right to bear arms, but the right to free speech is actively attacked by them.
There are no NRA “Promoters.” There are “Recruiters.” I know this because I am one. Get your facts straight. (But then, if you were to do that, this article couldn’t have been written at all.)
“I hope we can all agree that people with mental illnesses shouldn’t have them.”
The only way this will work is if anyone who wants a gun is tested for sanity. Great idea, but why would gun companies give up their best customers?
This all is freaking me out.
I’m going out and buying me a bazooka.
Nonsense. Sheer BS.
The NRA opposes gun locks. You know, the little things that block the trigger. Why do they oppose this? Because they want unbridled gun laws, and it’s killing Americans.
Don’t you want Americans to live, Bargis?
Actually Midewest, you are spot on…
The NRA is a good organization that has promoted citizen’s constitutional rights since its inception. Millions of youngsters have been trained in safe firearm handling programs through the Eddie Eagle Program. Countless restrictive non-gun laws that affect even non-gun owners have been turned away because of the NRA’s strong lobbying policies in Congress.
In fact, in this election cycle with the help of over 3-4 million NRA members, there’s a good chance that Barack Barry Hussein Soweto Obama will be sent packing along with his loopy friends. Hey….Maybe they’ll all move to rfreed’s town and he can feel safer!
No guys, chill it out. No flaming on this site is allowed.
Truth is that guns are an ingrained part of American culture, and they are arguably a guaranteed right under the constitution.
With that said, I hope we can all agree that people with mental illnesses shouldn’t have them. And further, these un-licensed gun-show sales (which may go straight into the hands of terrorists, since there is zero background check) should be at least somewhat regulated.
There… that settle it?
Didn’t think so.
Discuss.
You seem to think that guns are a goooood thing. They aren’t. We need serious gun control reforms and we need them yesterday.
Dear rfreed,
You are obviously trying to make a victim of Midwest. That’s why Midwest needs to be armed to protect himself from you.
And you say that you have two guns, which means that you can protect yourself from being a victim of Midwest.
Now when the two of you get together, you can both make sure that none of us is a victim of either of you. That’s how protection works. It keeps us all safe. I know, cuz my uncle was in the protection business and prevented a lot of folks from being victims, except for those that didn’t pay for his protection.
See how guns can improve our safety?
No, In have two.
And, dammit, now I have to look up the meaning of ‘Puerile’.
(For you folks just tuning in any time anyone even dares say the least little thing against the NRA he/she gets accusatory missives like this.)
Dear Midwest… you are a crazy person.
Dear rfreed,
It seems you’re trying to be funny. You’re not, only puerile. The anti-self defense movement endangers the safety of all Americans, whether they own firearms or not. Victim disarmament has worked so well in the United Kingdom that their rate of violent crime is now higher than ours. Do you believe that only the rulers of this country should have guns?