New York. – GlossyNews.com – Vinnie Gelano (“Big Jelly”) always knew he was really a girl.
“Even when I was collecting from deadbeats out on the street, breaking bones, whatever, I always knew I had this soft spot inside, a feminine side to my personality,” he says. “I always felt like, you know, fuggettaboutit, Vinnie this is not you, you moron. You were not meant just to crack kneecaps and break balls. You have other dimensions. Some day the real you will come out. Wait and see if it don’t.”
Last Thursday it happened. Vinnie, at age 35, became Veronica Gelano in a five hour sex-change operation at St. Christopher Medical Center in Evanston.
“I look in the mirror I can not believe my f—— eyes, I am one good-looking broad now. Now if I can just get a f—— date with Aston Kutcher, Ha ha ha.”
Vinnie says he understands at last who he’s really been all his life under the tough Mafia gangster exterior, like why he’d go to “Twilight” movies on the sly, why he never could parallel park worth a damn, and why he always liked caramel latte’ with whipped cream and two pinks better than scotch or beer.
“The broad you see before you has been screaming bloody murder to get out my whole life,” he, uh she, told a Glossy News reporter. “And I am going to flaunt it, baby, you watch me.”
So how do Vinnie’s, uh, Veronica’s old Mafia chums treat her now? “Truthfully it’s not a big issue with us,” she says. “We been having a problem of being called sexist anyway since there were no made guys who were women, if you get my drift. Unless you know a made guy named Veronica, because I don’t. Or Betty or Sue neither. So this solves that problem. Now we got a made guy with all the right stuff in all the right places. Hey, nobody can say the Mob is not equal opportunity any more.”
Leaning more to the offensive side here, Will Johnson. You managed to hit upon sexism, disrespect for trans-people, and to portray Italian-Americans as undereducated mooks. Give this man a star.