63-year-old hiker and wilderness expert Jeffrey Somers confided today that he has never found a dead body along the hiking trails nor along the roadways despite keeping a sharp eye open at all times.
“I always read about dead bodies being found by hikers but I never found one,” Somers stated in an interview. “Just once I’d like to be the guy that finds the dead body.”
Somers has hiked the entire Appalachian trail, the Colorado Rockies, Yosemite and numerous other mountain ranges and hiking trails across the US to no avail.
“The most incriminating things I ever found in over 45 years of hiking were a few condom wrappers, some empty beer bottles and a pair of ladies panties.”
Somers stated that in 1986 he did discover a body at what appeared to be an abandoned campsite but realized he was mistaken when he kicked the body and the man stirred.
“He was real pissed off that I woke him,” Somers continued. “I had to run like hell or else I would have wound up being a dead body!”
Somers says he will continue his quest to find a dead body for the next few years even if he has to plant one.
I once came across a dead swan. I bet that hiker’s really jealous of me!
The world is full of dull Finns.
I once found a dead dolphin, does that count? Some people are dumber than dolphins so I’m gonna count it.