Santiago, Chile (GlossyNews) — Posted by your new South America correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez.
In a Glossy News exclusive, Maria Lopez has learned there is a crazy conspiracy where Brazil, Turkey and Iran all want to get nuclear weapons. For those of you who don’t know, nuclear bombs are dangerous. Turkey and Iran signed a deal with Brazil, where something called Uranium will get enriched, and they all get bombs to drop on their neighbors.
—Hermana, that’s not what is going on. Lula da Silva is trying to carve out a neutral ground between the gringos and that crazy retro Neo-Marxist nativist bloc currently led by Chavez. Brazil has every right to assert itself on the world stage, and try to ease tensions—
Shut up Consuela, I’m trying to do serious journalism here! Have you never seen the FOX News? You don’t get attention saying something is not a big deal. You tell people they should be scared to death, you tell them why they should be scared to death, this is the journalism! You are gonna get us fired from this cushy job and it’s back to doing unnatural acts at that S&M club for Republican customers, if you keep up with your crazy talk!
Now as I was saying before being rudely interrupted? Last week’s agreement where Brazil, Turkey and Iran will do something with Uranium clearly indicates, they all want nuclear weapons. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has already denounced this deal, because she wants the sanctions, to prove she has cojones to be President some day.
For you who don’t know what the sanctions is, I will tell you. It means, your whole country, can’t buy a decent pair of stiletto heels. It must be a terrible thing to endure. But Turkey, Brazil, and Iran, they want the nuclear bombs so they can kill a lot of people. If United States must take extreme measures to deny these rogue nations sexy shoes, yes that is horrible. But only that will keep them from getting the nuclear bombs and dropping them on everybody.