Recession So Bad, Money Is Worthless

The long lasting recession has caused in many a belief that money no longer has any value.

“What good is it to waste my whole day getting ready for work, going to work, working, going home from work, then spending the rest of my night recovering from work? I might just as well live in a refrigerator box and have my time free.” stated Eli Zacomin, laborer.

Many seem to agree with this idea. The number of homeless seems to have jumped dramatically since the start of the recession, not all of them from having lost their homes.

“I can do better on the streets. People are so wasteful of food and material goods that I can scrounge what I need to survive. Then I have more time for hanging out and making music and other things I like to do.” said homeless man Jonathon Brurp, a former teacher.

This disturbing trend towards people not regarding money as having worth is disturbing to the establishment. “It is downright unpatriotic!” said Snidley Greedfist, an accountant for Goldman Sachs. “Maybe we could get Fox News to declare it traitorous to not use money and scare everyone into using it again!”

“This could be the down fall of our civilization” stated a very nervous Emin Blooperreel, owner of a chain of furniture stores. “People are using crates for furniture. In fact, they are living in them. How am I to keep a business going?”

The trend is becoming widespread. The effort needed to accumulate, save, borrow, deal with and to spend money is so great that many are finding life easier without it. The entire state of Vermont has given up using currency and relies on barter. In a matter of a few short weeks 90% of businesses and government offices have closed. Many feel it is an improvement. “Thank God we are free now!” yelled Ira Sack, a local janitor. “Now it is truly the land of equality- everyone is poor!”

Worst hit are lawyers who are pretty much warts on the economy anyway. They have been seen lately sleeping in their increasingly shabby BMW’s and Mercedes and begging for change outside liquor stores. What is left of the police force seem to take a special delight in tossing them in jail.

Author: rfreed

I was born and I died. Being a disembodied entity makes it very cheap for me to get by. Not having to worry about eating or having a place to live gives me a lot of freedom to squander my time writing occasionally funny articles. See more almost funny stuff at