Scientists Would Store Radioactive Waste In Your Yard

Cambridge MA (GlossyNews) — Scientists in a leading institute of technology announced this week that they are making headway into a bold new way to store radioactive waste. Stepping back from creating huge ‘landfills’ of radioactive waste, two scientists are taking a different approach.

The scientists — physicist Dr Hugo Green, and photocytologist Dr Melvin Wirths, APS, decided it would be easier — and safer — to store the radioactive waste in tiny, microscopic amounts. An added benefit — it will make your yard look better!

The two scientists displayed a handful of crystals, not much different in appearance than rock salt, which contained aproximately one gram each of deadly Uranium 233, safely contained within a man-made crystal where it harmlessly decays inside.

Dr Green described the process to make the crystals to Glossy News this morning.

“We start with a large amount of radioactive materials, say 200 kilograms of Uranium 233. We spin this in a centrifuge at incredible speeds which both compacts the molecules and breaks down the physical mass of the waste uranium. This waste is then dropped mechanically into a cobalt cannon which ‘shoots’ the material into a large block of coal. Shooting the uranium from the cannon causes it to fragment like a shotgun scattering uranium particles across the face of the coal. The heat and force of the reaction atomizes the coal which forms into tiny diamond-like crystals around the uranium into a little self sealing package.”

Dr Wirths, then demonstrated with 50 kilograms of uranium. We watched over closed circuit tv as the uranium rolled out of a container into a metal tube which then slid into the centrifuge arm. The centrifuge then rotated to a blur at an undisclosed speed for 5 minutes. Almost immediately the tube fell to a robotic arm, which it opened, and poured the uranium into a ‘cartridge’ at the base of the cobalt gun. The demonstration ended with a bang and the lights came on. Total time to dispose of 50 kilograms of waste – 8 and a half minutes.

“Even the most deadly waste can be reduced to a bag of garden rocks,” said Dr Wirths, with a wry smile.

“Garden rocks are the most likely products we will produce from this process,” said Dr Green. “However, we are exploring the possibility to create sheets of clear sand crystals which can then be formed into windows, concrete blocks, even drinking glasses and dishes. It can even be turned into a child’s sandbox”

When asked about potential safety of the products over time, Dr Wirths, said safety was their first concern, but that, “there are no real safety issues that we can foresee. The radioactive waste will live safely within the crystal for the rest of its radioactive life. The crystal will then, after time, actually become stable, safe, pieces of sand.”

When asked how long it would be before the garden rocks are available, the answer was a pleasantly shocking ‘next month’.

“We are at the end of this design process. There is really nothing left to do but move into production. We anticipate a big production center outside of Atlanta which will actually produce large quantities of product at a very reasonable price. That price should create a nice profit for US taxpayers and a great product for consumers,” said Dr Green.

Dr Wirths, added in closing, “we are the best at what we do, and we are doing this for the government and governments of the world who are, of course, looking out for the best interests of their citizens. There really isn’t anything to worry about by having 200 or 300 pounds of radioactive waste quietly and safely decomposing in your yard and your neighbor’s yard and playgrounds at your childrens’ schools. We see this as a remarkable ‘positive’ for all parties with no real downside.”

On parting, Dr Green was asked how long the Uranium 233 would remain dangerous inside the crystals.

“Its halflife is 160,000 years,” he quipped, “I’ll let you do the math.”

Author: Reverend Mike

@rev_rend Reverend Mike is a contributing editor for Glossy News. He was a Combat Chaplain with the Soviet Red Army in the 1980s. A career which he describes as an 'unappreciated field of endeavor'. He later worked as an Information Officer with the TASS News Agency on assignment in White Sands, NM. The collapse of the Soviet Union left him unemployed and homeless. He survived by selling magazine subscriptions door to door disguised as a college coed. He was later kidnapped and taken to Shanghai where he was sold into a white slavery ring. He lived as a concubine for a Japanese music industry mogul until 2002 when a wardrobe malfunction revealed his true identity. He found himself homeless and unemployed again, with only his collection of Polaroid snap shots. Reverend Mike has since scraped together a meagre living by blackmailing Japanese industrialists. Reverend Mike lives in a small 5 bedroom penthouse flat overlooking Central Park in New York City. His hobbies include exotic motorcycles, supermodels and owning small nations....