Categorized | Gadgets & Gizmos, World News

Santa Claus finally sells out; cashes in

Santa Claus finally sells out; cashes in

This Christmas, you might notice something a little different when you look up into the sky and see Santa and his reindeer in flight delivering presents to children all over the world.

In an unprecedented partnership, global shipping giant FedEx® has agreed to become the official sponsor of Santa Claus.

For years, financial analysts have been puzzled with how Santa’s operation could remain profitable with labor and production costs continuing to skyrocket.

But with this new agreement, Santa Claus presented by FedEx® should put to rest any fears of the North Pole’s most famous resident shutting his doors anytime soon.

Although terms of the agreement were not disclosed, a FedEx spokesman did confirm that in addition to a massive print and media campaign, part of the agreement also includes a prominent Fed Ex logo engraved right on the side of Santa’s sleigh. Several FedEX distribution centers around the globe will also serve as checkpoints on Christmas eve and Christmas morning, so Old Saint Nick can easily reload his sleigh, feed his reindeer and receive assistance from FedEx® ground crews.

And for the first time ever, Santa will be utilizing technology tools supplied by FedEx® to plan delivery routes and monitor inventory as he travels throughout the world.

Greg Simon, President of the FedEx® Supply Chain stated, “FedEx is the leading global delivery service 364 days a year. But on Christmas Eve, nobody can match Santa’s ability to reach millions of children’s homes around the globe. We’re excited to see how Santa Claus presented by Fedex® can provide kids everywhere with a faster, smarter and more efficient Christmas experience.”

But not everyone is as happy with this new partnership. Christmas traditionalists around the world have been voicing their outrage on social media, suggesting the infusion of a corporate sponsorship will ruin the magic and wonderment of Christmas.

When asked about this, Santa Workshop Vice President Olaf Danielson reacted defensively, stating, “What do all these people think? That we just have an unlimited amount of raw materials and resources, with an army of elves who will work for next to nothing to make toys all year round? Times have changed.”

“This isn’t your grandfather’s Christmas. Do you want to know the last time Santa received a letter asking for a wooden pull toy or a Hula Hoop? It’s been decades! The technology boom over the last 20 years has really made us retool our entire organization. It’s all digital gadgets and high tech toys.

“And our elves demand a high salary, especially with several of them earning degrees in electrical engineering and computer programming. And even with a workforce of over 1500, we still have to outsource much of our operation to factories in the far east just to keep up with demand.”

Editor in Chief Michael Ripken from AD Week suggests this could be the most visible and lucrative advertising campaign of all time.

“Between now and Christmas, this has the potential to saturate every media channel and connect with every key demographic. And not just in North America, but worldwide. The media impressions will be well into the billions. It’s a huge, huge win for FedEx®. Santa Claus presented by FedEx® will forever be synonymous with Christmas…well, at least until next year.”

Attempts to reach Santa Claus for comment were unsuccessful, however he did tweet out some positive vibes last night on Twitter:
Totally amped about FedEx partnership. Let’s do this.
#FedEX #Goodgirlsandboys #hohoho #stayjolly

Now that corporate sponsorship is a reality for Santa Claus, speculation continues on what could be next for the suddenly savvy Christmas marketing machine in the North Pole. However, we can confirm that rumors of General Electric approaching Rudolph the Red nosed reindeer to promote their GE reveal LED light bulbs on his nose were false.

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This post was written by

- who has written 4 posts on GlossyNews.com.

Advertising copywriter, music lover, Apple-addict and am saturated with sarcasm. Father of one, living in the Twin Cities.

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