Rabbit Too Cute for its Own Good Starting to Annoy Other Forest Animals

Next to a cold gaggling brook, in a small but verdant patch of green, settled serenely in the heart of the North American deciduous forest–the place where that “fresh car smell” is born–lives a baby cottontail rabbit named Booby.

And, as you can see from the picture above, this is no ordinary Sylvilagus Floridanus. You may remember him as the star of our award-winning biopic “A Glorious Tail” (previously titled “Can’t See the Forest for the Booby” and also just “Booby Bunny: The Life and Times”).

Field reporter Bev Jolt, after living among the woodland creatures for 2 years, grew very close to Booby and gained an invaluable insider’s perspective. As a follow-up to the biopic, she offers a wildly provocative account of inter-animal relationships and hidden forest drama.

“Fake,” snarled Chuck the woodchuck during one of the breaks between shooting the film. “I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not jealousy, Bev. We just happen to know the real Booby. That cutesy, early-Beiberesque voice with the giggle at the end of every sentence: fake. His real voice is somewhere between Columbo and Christian Bale’s version of Batman. And his adorable little puppy dog eyes? That’s right: not his. Hand to God, he stole those from an actual puppy!”

“Oh yes, the demon, you mean,” said Jerry the British raccoon (in a sterling British accent, of course). “He is peachy to look at, I dare say, but evil nonetheless. Quite right old chap–evil incarnate. He and I went out for drinks a fortnight ago, and before morning, his name was on the deed to my house!”

After reading page after page of what our reporter called “ridiculous and hurtful slander”, Iron E-News decided to fly Bev and her new husband, Booby, back to our headquarters to get his side of the story.

And on behalf of Iron E Corporate, we would like to extend a heartfelt welcome to our new boss, Booby, since Bev is (well, we should say “was”) a majority shareholder in the company.