Mammoth Crap May Hold Key to Global Warming

Ever since Al Bore’s ‘A Convenient Pile of Bullshit’ movie won an Oscar for the best work of fiction in Hollycrud’s prestigious Academy Awards ‘Propaganda and Scaremongering’ category the eco-fascist AGW alarmist lobby has been searching for anything that might resemble evidence to support Fat Al’s fantasy suppositions – and has more substance than scent – or CO2.

Now, ‘maybe’ just by chance, the Chicken Little gang might have found the serendipitous answer they’ve been searching for – in piles of 13,000 year-old mammoth shit – with a big ‘perhaps’ on the ‘maybe’.

Mammoth dung has been proving to be a source of prehistoric information in helping crapologists unravel the mystery of what caused the great mammals to die out.

An examination of a fungus that is found in the ancient piles of pachyderm shite preserved in lake sediments has helped build a picture of what happens to crap that gets submerged for millenniums – and too prompted scientists to speculate it was little wonder they died out – from crapping in – then drinking from – the same pond.

Now the Chicago Climate Exchange (CCX – North America’s only carbon cap n trade system for all six hundred designated greenhouse gases) publicity stooges claim the study sheds light on the ecological cause and effect consequences of the extinction of the megafauna – and too the role that humans definitely played in it.

The study was led by Professor Fellattia Bore (no relation), a leading expert on coprolites, from Utah’s meritorious University of Latter Day Scatology.

She and her colleagues studied the Sporormiella fungal spores contained in the sediments deep within the bed of Lake Feculence in Arkansas.

Many very large mammals including mammoths, mastodons, giant badgers and ground sloths inhabited forests in this area of North America up to 13,500 years ago.

Sporormiella produces spores in the dung of large herbivores which ultimately end up preserved in the layers of mud and silt and can provide an index of the number of these behemoths, or megafauna, that roamed the environment at a particular time.

The team counted the pollen, charcoal and Sporormiella in these layers of mud, tracking the timescale of ancient environmental changes which indicated a decline in megafauna that occurred about 13,500 years ago along with evidence of major environmental changes around the time of the extinction.

The CCX propagandists now claim the study proves that the decline and extinction parallels the Clovis period – when the archaeological record shows that humans were making flint spear and arrowheads (Clovis points) to hunt large animals – and burning forests to produce charcoal for their barbeques and meat smoking.

Hence the Clovis people’s carbon footprint – due the release of CO2 from their huge forest fires and barbies – caused a massive environmental catastrophe – and their over-hunting of the megafauna resulted in its demise and inevitable extinction.

Well, that’s the tune the global warming scaremongers are now humming as their sacred mantra – Man did it before and now he’s going to do it again! Cap n Trade! Cap n Trade!

Conversely Professor Morton Fuctifino of Harvard’s Department of Climate Guessology informed Pox News “Actually we haven’t got as f*cking clue what caused it really – but Big Al Bore and his CCX boys are funding our research for the next decade – and paying my salary – so I’m supporting the theory all out that it was the Clovis bunch and their troglodyte mates Neanderthal Norman and Cro-Magnon that hunted the big hairy elephant thingies to extinction and caused the environment to screw up with all the CO2 they were putting out.”

And all would have ended happily ever after if a group of archeologists and geologists working in tandem had not come along and pissed all over the CCX bonfire by producing incontrovertible evidence that the mass disappearance of the North American megafauna was not gradual but caused by an instantaneous extinction level event when a gargantuan extraterrestrial object (meteor) struck downtown Little Rock 13,500 years ago snuffing mammoths, sloths – the lot – in one fell swoop.

Thus the CCX alarmists have again been forced back to the drawing board now it has been conclusively proved to them that their assertion claiming the demise and eventual extinction of the mega-fauna was based on faulty science and most definitely not caused by Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble – or the good citizens of Bedrock.

Author: Rusty

Rusty's Skewed News Views are spoof publications, fired by the ironies of human nature and tempered with elements of satire and parody, and should not, therefore, be taken too seriously. These are inspired by traveling around the Earth more times than Skylab and composed while observing the inherent idiocies of Mankind. Thus lawyers be duly advised : All libel writs issued on behalf of offended humourless ego's and / or those blighted by unqualified arrogance herein lampooned may be addressed to : Rusty the Boddington's Badger, Igloo 27, Pasquinade Gardens, Penguin Parade, Ross Ice Shelf, Antarctica - or via