New Pet Food Triggers Outrage; Breadsticks for Kim Jong-un?

Damascus, Iowa – A new line of products released by Pet Food Enterprises, Inc., that was intended to provide humor and admiration over the recent extinction of Olive Garden restaurants and the late breadsticks offered complimentary with the purchase of any entrée, has completely backfired.

President of the National Breadstick Association (N.B.A.), Lindsay Bahkedfriesh, has filed an injunction against the company stating that the new breadstick-flavored pet food is a tasteless act against everything that breadsticks stood for.

“Obreadiously, we are very upset by this. Breadsticks suffered through the cruelest and most extreme conditions during the Olive Garden extinction and deserve to be honored in golden baskets filled with butter and garlic. They should never be degraded to the point of poor toilet humor or served as common pet food!” An infuriated and sweaty Bahkedfriesh stated outside of the corporate office for Pet Food Enterprises, Inc., while wiping the perspiration from her forehead with a breadstick-shaped sponge.

Breadsticks have been the center of attention ever since Olive Garden succumbed to extinction earlier this year. Numerous food companies have attempted to replicate breadstick DNA through fossil ionization, but to date, no one has been able to produce an exact match.

Celebrities Seth Rogen and James Franco recently donated 32 million dollars to the National Breadstick Association in an attempt to re-create Olive Garden’s breadsticks as part of a peace offering to North Korean Leader, Kim-Jong-un, after their most recent movie to be released, The Interview, pissed him off.