Scientists from the University of Arizona have concluded this Friday that the possible existence of extraterrestrial life could become a reality after certain test results are finalized.
The University was baffled when a 2,500 year old alien life form, Ernesto Torres, was found dead wrapped inside a white blanket lying next to an abandoned bicycle.
Police were also able to locate a note reading, “E.T VA A CASA”. The University is using its finest Native Americans to decipher its message.
Expert, and award winning, Biologist Dr. Lana Ekili was brought to the University’s lab to conduct further research on the waste-brown extraterrestrial. We spoke with some locals to try and get some understanding on the situation, but didn’t go too well after many of them started having mass incest with each other. The sexual actions performed by these Arizonans felt just like being in Alabama but, you know, with less pigs squealing.
The National Incorporation of Galactic Games Enterprises and Real Space sent out a representative of its own. In his armpit-sweating speech, Marshall White stated that “all form of extraterrestrial life, whether it being really sexy, like that chick from Avatar or just a typical gay man.
We have love for each and every single one of them. All alien life forms deserve equal rights, and until they are 100% assured, we will not stop being bent down or forced to rest on our knees for twenty minutes.”
The United States government rest assured the public audience that they “will try its best to transport the deceased body back to its native planet; Mexico.”
Spokesperson of the White House, Mr. Xesttub Yag, stated that “the United States is in no way responsible if the body is taken from its proper burial ground as a hostage from, what we now know as to be, homosexual alien gangs; the Cartel, who will most likely decapitate it and shove its head so far up against their rear end, that upon ending with their ritual, they will most likely continue having anal intercourse with their same sex partner.” The public audience all came to an agreement that it was the best thing to do for E.T.
Several weeks after the body launch, E.T was never found again. Hispanic maids everywhere mourn for the Cartel’s loss.