Harold Camping, whose prediction about the Rapture failed to materialize, has admitted using clues gleaned from the now canceled ABC series LOST to calculate the date. “I don’t know what went wrong,” he lamented, wiping the tears from his eyes with hundred dollar bills. “The clues were all there. My math was right. I’m not sure exactly what the hell happened!”
According to sources close to the soothsayer, Camping spend countless hours connecting the dots in the long-running series, firmly believing that The End was coming and all would be explained. An obscure formula on a Kentucky Fried Chicken napkin reveals Camping’s intricate calculations.
“Here is the number of episodes of LOST, plus the sum of ‘The Numbers’ over here. That’s just a booger right there. Subtract that from “815”, the flight number of the plane that crashed on the Island, then add back the year of the Indo-Pakistani war,” Camping explained.
“Finally, subtracting the number of times Hurley said, ‘Dude’ in the entire series yields exactly 521 or May 21st. This correlates exactly with the 363 days since the LOST finale, which was calculated independently using the number of plot-holes the finale left open when the series ended. That’s just too weird to be coincidence!”
Pop fiction as well as Biblical scholars looking over Camping’s work agree it is flawless. “No matter how many times you calculate it, the answer is still 521, exactly 363 days since the finale. There’s no way to explain that away as mere coincidence,” said Dr. Eloise Hawking, associate professor of Obfuscation Science at the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor.
When asked by a journalist to explain why the Rapture didn’t occur, Dr. Myers scratched her head and then replied, “Who’s to say it didn’t,” as she stared cryptically unblinking until the reporter finally became uncomfortable and just went away.
Camping believers are said to be devastated and broke after the failed prophesy. “In a way, I think we know how all those believers felt when the Rapture didn’t exactly happen like they thought it would,” said a LOST fan who still declines to be identified as such. But apparently not all Rapture believers want to be identified with LOST fans.
“Believers don’t want to be spoon-fed answers about why the Rapture didn’t happen last week. They want to experience it for themselves”, said Robert Fitzpatrick, a man who spent his entire life savings on a Rapture ad campaign. “I may be broke, but you’re still doomed,” said Fitzpatrick before breaking down into creepy gyrations, making Smoke Monster noises and crab-walking away.
According to sources, Camping has recalculated the Rapture date based on the number of nicknames Sawyer had for people divided by the number of times Locke thought he was “special”.
Likewise, many experts are divided on the merit of Camping’s research but all agree that, no matter what happens, it probably answers more questions than the LOST finale did. According to Camping, “There will be no reruns, folks. No Blu-Ray, no DVD sets, no discussion groups. The Rapture will be live…so pack a lunch.”
Your history is correct, Danny. However, Camping just considered Miller’s movement the Dharma Project of its time.
More like this prediction was based on The Hangover.
Harold Camping sounds like he plagiarized Jehovah’s Witnesses.
Jehovah Witnesses are a spin-off of the second Adventist which all came from the Millerite movement.American war of 1812 army captain William Miller is ground zero for Jehovah’s Witnesses.
Yes,the “great disappointment” of Oct 22 1844 has never died out… it lives on in the Jehovah’s Witnesses.
The central CORE doctrine of the Watchtower,yes the reason the Watchtower came into existence was to declare Jesus second coming in 1914.When the prophecy (derived from William Miller of 1842) failed they said that he came “invisibly”.
Watchtower reckless predictions of the (1914) (1975)….. second coming of Christ hardens skeptics in their unbelief and provides new fodder for cynics to mock the Christian faith.
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Danny Haszard been there