Charlie Sheen and Tiger Woods Head Back to Work

Charlie Sheen and Tiger Woods, who have been sharing a bachelor pad in Palm Beach, have announced that they are going back to work.

Sheen said his main motivation was that he was going “stir crazy” spending 24 hours a day with Woods.

“You can only bounce a fucking ball on the end of a golf club for so long before it becomes fucking nerve wracking to everyone else in the apartment.”

“I’m tired of trouncing Tiger at every game we play. I can only beat him so many times at Foosball before it isn’t challenging any more. And basketball, shit, I can cherry pick him all night, he has no finesse.”

Woods also announced he was going back to work as well. Woods claimed that he was “sick” of trying to live on pizza and beer.

“Being married may have its drawbacks, but at least my wife can cook and clean. Chuck is a fucking slob.”

“And, he brings home the most skanky hoes on the planet. I mean, I didn’t know there were THAT many strippers and porn stars in Florida.”

Woods claims he can now stand on his head and bounce a golf ball off a 5 iron for 30 minutes straight.

When asked if they were still friends, Sheen replied. “Yeah, but you know, sometimes, I just want to kill the motherfucker.”

Author: Reverend Mike

@rev_rend Reverend Mike is a contributing editor for Glossy News. He was a Combat Chaplain with the Soviet Red Army in the 1980s. A career which he describes as an 'unappreciated field of endeavor'. He later worked as an Information Officer with the TASS News Agency on assignment in White Sands, NM. The collapse of the Soviet Union left him unemployed and homeless. He survived by selling magazine subscriptions door to door disguised as a college coed. He was later kidnapped and taken to Shanghai where he was sold into a white slavery ring. He lived as a concubine for a Japanese music industry mogul until 2002 when a wardrobe malfunction revealed his true identity. He found himself homeless and unemployed again, with only his collection of Polaroid snap shots. Reverend Mike has since scraped together a meagre living by blackmailing Japanese industrialists. Reverend Mike lives in a small 5 bedroom penthouse flat overlooking Central Park in New York City. His hobbies include exotic motorcycles, supermodels and owning small nations....