Taylor Hicks Shocked to Hear Taylor Hicks on the Radio

Erstwhile American Idol victor Taylor Hicks was shopping Thursday in a Ralph’s, a supermarket owned by the Kroger company, when he heard something come over the PA that shocked him; a Taylor Hicks song.

“I heard it and I was in shock,” said a stunned, gray Hicks. “This is the first time since about three months after [I won season five of American Idol] that I’ve heard my music on the radio.”

Though to be technical, it was on a closed circuit, in-store system that plays very little music, this turd being a rare exception.

RIGHT: Taylor Hicks woop-wooping it up as he appealed to his Soul Patrol to propel him over the top by an easy margin in Season Five of the terrible (but addictive) American reality television program American Idol. (CLICK PHOTO TO ENLARGE, THOUGH ONLY SLIGHTLY.)

“And I believe it’s only just the beginning,” quipped Hicks, holding a can of Marshmallow creme. “Do you get it? That’s a line from [the song that was playing] Do I Make You Proud.”

Nobody got it.

The dairy stocker who observed us came up and greeted Mr. Hicks, saying, “I don’t know what you guys are doing, but you can’t film in here.”

“I’ve got to talk to my agent. I should probably be getting paid for this,” said Hicks, seemingly unaware that he sold his soul to Simon Fuller when he first auditioned for American Idol.

As we left the store, this reporter observed several persons stop Mr. Hicks. One said, “Hey mister, can you spare some change,” and the other said, “watch it, buddy, I’m just trying to grab a cart here.”

As we parted ways, Hicks asked, “Do I make you proud?” ostensibly in reference to his one RIAA certified Gold single, but we had already wrapped the story, so we chose not to reply.

Truly one of America’s greatest rock-pop legends.

Dear Mr. Hicks… I’m actually a huge fan and I love your work. You got screwed by the “pop mold” they tried to cram you in. If they’d let you go soul with your debut album, you’d be bigger than Zeppelin right now, but such was the nature of your horrible, horrible contract. You worked yourself to death for those leaches and they did what leaches do, bled you dry and left you behind. I’m sorry for that. – Editor


8 comments on “Taylor Hicks Shocked to Hear Taylor Hicks on the Radio

  1. They play Taylor Hicks at Guantananmo, too. Doesn’t work out the woofers much but it gets the prisoners to start talking. And yeah, he did get shafted by the pop mold they put him in. but, it DID beat the first choice of putting a harmonica up his butt and letting him accompany himself.

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