GlossyNews.com Author Ranking System Has Arrived

After years of searching for just the right script to do just the right job, we finally have a way to reward our top authors with the recognition they so richly deserve. I mean, it’s not fair compensation, but we ain’t exactly made out of money, not even the little bills.

Okay, we haven’t been actively looking for years, but we did look three-years ago, and then again today, and on this latest attempt, found just what we were looking for.

RIGHT: An example of what the Top-Author section looks like, in case you don’t know how, or are too lazy, to scroll down the page.

And seriously, we’re not made of money. We show fairly strong numbers for a satire rag, but only because we work our butts off… it doesn’t mean we earn two-damn-nickels. We used to offer cash prizes, but nobody clicks on our ads, so we just can’t afford it… wait, that’s not the topic at hand? Right, got it.

So as of today you can see the Top-10 publishing authors from the past month listed on every page of the site. Just look over to the right-hand side, below the tall ad banner… there it is, that’s the spot.

Next to it you’ll see a spot where we list the top commenters, and that’s open to everybody. And we encourage comments on stories, as it helps give the authors feedback while opening a dialogue.

If there’s no avatar by your name, just go to Gravatar.com and upload one associated with your email address. Your little picture will end up showing itself on a variety of sites across the web that use Gravatar. It’s pretty slick.

What the Top-Author Script Doesn’t Do

It doesn’t account for quality or readership. If you write something truly brilliant, there’s no extra points. If your link gets picked up by Reddit or Fark and crashes the server with traffic, you don’t get any extra points. With this script, literally, there’s no accounting for taste.

Hell, I get another post towards my total just by writing this story, and let’s face it, this ain’t even funny. It’s funny “hmmm”, sure, but it’s not funny “ha ha”, which it would typically need to be for any points to be awarded.

But hey, it’s a start.

So why don’t you tell us what you think in the comments. Let’s put this new accounting system to the test!

Author: Brian White

Brian first began peddling his humorous wares with a series of Xerox printed books in fifth grade. Since then he's published over two thousand satire and humor articles, as well as eight stage plays, a 13-episode cable sitcom and three (terrible) screenplays. He is a freelance writer by trade and an expert in the field of viral entertainment marketing. He is the author of many of the biggest hoaxes of recent years, a shameful accomplishment in which he takes exceptional pride.

7 thoughts on “GlossyNews.com Author Ranking System Has Arrived

  1. Yeah, yer right.
    Some of them are pretty rank.
    Glad you noticed it.
    Put ’em out with the dirty laundry.

  2. Don’t worry Kilroy. It’s rigged. Notice how the title says “Our Top Authors?” That could mean anyone from Mark Twain to Salmon Rushdie.” My top writer happens to be Dave Barry, but is he on the list? You bet your sweet A$$ he isn’t. Everything these days is rigged. Just a word of caution. Don’t believe everything you read, especially on here. It’s all an illusion.

  3. This is nice! As a writer myself, I think it’s a great idea, and one that will work. Congratulations on joining the web as of like ten years ago!

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