More Parents Monitoring Children’s Web-Porn Viewing

LOS ANGELES – More parents are taking the time to monitor the pornography their children view on the internet, according to the second annual Walt Disney Co. study on the subject. Disney reports that 71% of the 774 parents surveyed limit the types of pornography their children may access.

“Ill allow my son to view naked celebrities, amateur teen lesbos, cum-guzzling, and most forms of bondage,” said Shirley Judge of Los Angeles, “but I do have some reservations about bestiality and vaginal penetration by asparagus.”

A surprisingly high number, 234 (53%), of the 441 children ages 6-to-14 surveyed said they abide by their parents’ rules on surfing for porn, even when alone.

“I stay away from scat porn, because I respect my mom,” said Judge’s 11-year-old. “I probably wouldn’t look at it anyway.”

The study reports that 94% of children will not give out any personal information to solicitors. This is due in part to the 80% of parents who stress anonymity to their porn-searching children.

“My 9-year-old knows what to do [if he is harassed],” said L.A. resident Chuck Alexander. “I told him to say that he’s an 11-year-old girl who’s just sprouting some pubic hair. Then when the guy’s getting really excited, he’ll just type, ‘Fooled you! I’m a 67-year-old shut-in with prostate cancer!’”

Also mentioned in the study is the fact that 43% of parents regularly spend time with their children online.

“We make a game of it. I challenge my kids,” said Fresno’s Edward Rafferty. “I see how long it takes them to find, say, a nude paparazzi pic of Elizabeth Hurley.”

“I’ve shown my son how to tell which links will take you to the porn, and which ones just send you into an endless cycle of pop-up windows, among other porn-finding tips,” said Alexander. “He’s really become quite efficient.”

Author: Rudager P. Marshall

Born in W. Virginia, on March 18, 1922, to a coal mining family, Rudager P. Marshall quickly grew tired of listening to his father complain about aristocrats throwing cigarette filters and lit fireworks down the mine shafts while he labored. As he entered his twilight years, he began work on construction of The Rail, a paper with the most ideological biases of any news source in the history of the world. Whether it be the wit of the oligarchy, the hilarity of communism, or the downright goofiness and tomfoolery of fascism, The Rail covers it.