Posted in Celebrity Gossip

Ultrasound Shows Chelsea Clinton’s Unborn Child is a Conservative

   Published Date: April 23, 2014  5 Comments on Ultrasound Shows Chelsea Clinton’s Unborn Child is a Conservative

(Great Falls, VA.) – To the horror of the entire Clinton clan, ultrasound results have proven that Chelsea Clinton is pregnant with a conservative child.

The family was overjoyed at the initial news of the pregnancy but, upon learning of the test results, have gone into a time of mourning over its political affiliation.

Mrs. Clinton was shocked when their nurse informed them of the news. “I’m speechless and don’t know what I’m going to do! How could this happen to me? Why have I been cursed?”

“I had them triple check the results.” Chelsea continued, “The DNC is going to hate me! How do I prove to my parents that I really didn’t sleep with Satan himself?! On top of that, it’s a girl! A conservative girl. How can I live with the shame?”

The nurse told the family the baby appeared to be a Democrat at first because it was mooching off its mother for everything but, upon closer examination, the pictures showed the baby forming the shape of a gun with its fingers and kicking wildly anytime Chelsea’s mother, former First Lady Hillary Clinton entered the room or opened her mouth.

“Judging by what I saw on screen, this kid is going to hate her grandmother. The child definitely recognizes evil when she sees it,” the nurse stated. Former President Bill Clinton appears OK with the news. “I can deal with it. I just hope the kid’s a looker in about twenty years!” he said with a laugh.

The family said they would take four of five months to weigh all political options before deciding whether to abort the baby and save the world from the horror of bringing another conservative into the world.

Author: E. Williams

Just a smart ass by nature who uses humor as a defense mechanism to get through this wonderfully confusing thing we call life. Trying to make people laugh is pretty cool. Succeeding at it is the very best! That's it. What more do you people want from me?!

5 thoughts on “Ultrasound Shows Chelsea Clinton’s Unborn Child is a Conservative”

  1. Of course Bill Clinton can deal with it: he’s an economic conservative (i.e. a “neoliberal”).

    But aren’t all babies conservatives? They take the Bible literally, they think the world revolves around them, they don’t know jack about science, and they just want to have fun all the time in an anarchic free-for-all that destroys their playpen (until their parents clean it up for them).

  3. Amusing unless this actually foretells the entry of the Antichrist into the world. Just kidding. I wouldn’t choose that womb when I have Beyonce.

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