72% of Justin Bieber Fans Fail Turing Test

Alan Turing developed a level of accomplishment called the “Turing Test,” which was: can a computer trick a human into believing it is human.

It turns out, in tests, 72% of Justin Bieber fans failed this test, leading researchers to assume that they were less-than human.

Lead Researcher Gupta-Gupta Khamari from University of California, Berkeley, explained the findings like this.

RIGHT: Justin Bieber, surrounded by a throng of what can only be described as robotic automatons. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

“We brought in a group of high school students to act as the baseline for the test. We had four different computers running conversation emulators, and while none of them passed the test, neither did many of the young [participants].”

Emma-Jane Johnson, a junior researcher, but very attractive, was singled out for an interview. She stated “It was supposed to be a slam-dunk. The kids were supposed to present themselves as 100% human, but the majority of them failed.”

Max White, a judge in the test, explained his incorrect findings by saying, “It was ridiculous, I asked the chat screen if he had a cat, and he said ‘LOLROFLCopter wut wut, Caturday???’ and I just assumed that was a software glitch.

Another judge, Max Turnbull (only related acoustically) said, “I asked him what he did for a living and he said ‘student’, so I asked how he liked having to read so many books and he said ‘skool is 4 fools, brb jst got a text’, so I figured it was a stock response for when there’s no rational answer.”

Khamari wants to point out that he isn’t saying anything bad about these student participants, just that, “They don’t seem to have more than the thinnest thread of humanity to them. It’s like all this texting and Facebook has made them socially, if not mentally, retarded.”

This story will be peer-reviewed next month in the New England Journal of Psychology.

Editor’s Note: You readers know better than this. Please sound off in the comments below.