Hollywood, CA (Glossy News) – So, what can make a Hollywood starlet run away like a scared rabbit? How about a vicious little insect that can devour a thousand times its weight in silicone material a day.
Entomologists from around the country have converged on Los Angeles this week in a search for the rare and elusive Formosan Silicone Termite. First discovered in 1958 during a renovation of an old home in Burbank, the species has spread to other areas of California causing untold damages to property and to several hundred unsuspecting individuals like Doris Frey.
Doris Frey, age 34, was a succesful real estate agent with a large, well respected firm. Recently divorced, Frey felt an upgrade to her image would benefit her career, and her flagging love life. So, Doris Frey consulted a plastic surgeon and had a successful breast augmentation, or as it’s more commonly known in California…A boob job!
What started out as a personal improvement turned int a horror story when Frey fell asleep in a lawn chair one mild spring afternoon. Formosan Silicone Termites attacked her silicone enhanced breasts without warning and devoured all the silicone material in about 3 minutes, leaving Frey with two empty bags hanging from her chest.
So far this season, other attacks have been reported all across Los Angeles, including an attack on Taylor Swift resulting in her becoming not only flat chested but with two depressions so large they could hide a softball.
Starlets everywhere have been placing various anti-termite concoctions in their bras, and have smeared odd chemicals all across their chests. Actress Kristen Stewart wrapped around layers of adhesive fly tape that doubled as a trendy halter top at the recent Academy Awards ceremony. Yes, hugging was a problem and several male guests lost their buttoneers and ties.
Pam Anderson went as far as to have a stainless steel brassiere manufactured that she plans to patent and sell to other stars.
Plastic queen Heidi Montag has left Hollywood and has gone into hiding after dousing her silicone parts with WD-40 and a concoction of bees wax, shoe polish, and 10% sulfuric acid. Her publicist refused comment.