PORTLAND, Oregon (GlossyNews) — Police in Portland, Oregon are reopening their investigation into allegations that Al Gore groped and forced himself onto a masseuse at a local hotel in 2006. While not much has been made public about that incident, the one piece of information that continues to come up in news reports is the fact that the masseuse described Gore’s behavior as “acting like a crazed poodle.”
Upon hearing these reports, the American Poodle Club has sprung into action to protect the good name of poodles everywhere. A statement issued by the American Poodle Club reads as follows:
“It has come to our attention that a certain masseuse has been likening the sexual advances of a certain ex-Vice-President to that of a crazed poodle. We would like to set the record straight in assuring the American people that poodles are one of the kindest, most gentle breeds of dog, and are quite intelligent animals. Judging from this woman’s description, we would have to liken Al Gore’s behavior to a more sexually-aggressive breed of dog such as a Dachshund, also known as a Weiner Dog, or perhaps a frisky Pekinese.
We would like to assure all American citizens that while it is true that poodles do like to hump the occasional leg, they do not become crazed while doing it.”
Asked to give her reaction to this statement by the American Poodle Club, the masseuse in question simply stated, “Ok, so maybe I was a little rough on poodles. However, Mr. Gore did hump my leg, so I’d say he still deserves to be likened to a dog. You choose the pedigree.”