Lindsay Sues Lohan for Suing E-Trade Over Commercial

LOS ANGELES, CA (GlossyNews) — Troubled 23-year-old celebrity Lindsay Lohan has filed a lawsuit against E-Trade for allegedly using her name in its latest commercial about a boyfriend-stealing baby with a substance abuse problem. The substance in question being milk.

In the ad, which first ran during this year’s Super Bowl, an infant boy apologizes to his girlfriend over the phone for not calling her the night before.

“And that milkaholic Lindsay wasn’t over?” the girl asks before another baby girl appears on the screen saying, “Milk-a-whaaat?” in tones slurred to imply intoxication.

Stephanie Ovadia, Lohan’s current lawyer, said, “Many celebrities are known by one name only, and E-Trade is using that knowledge to profit. They’re using her name as a parody of her life. Why didn’t they use the name Susan?”

The spokesperson for Grey Group, which produced the “milkaholic” commercial, explained that they “avoided using the name Susan because we thought people would be reminded of Susan Dey from the Partridge Family. As a young actress, Dey had bouts of anorexia and bulimia, as well as a later period of alcohol abuse. Because she is so talented and beloved by so many, we decided to use a less emotional name — one that we thought most viewers would ignore or not care about. David Cassidy suggested we try the name ‘Lindsay’. It’s a very popular name, but one that isn’t really associated with a significant personality in the public eye.”

A production assistant on the shoot said, “They just used a popular baby name that happened to be the name of someone on the account team. Tragically, her daughter Lindsay truly is addicted to milk. It’s disgusting. She slurps it right out of the container. She bottles her own breast milk and drinks it at her desk. When there’s no milk left in the fridge, she tries to melt down cottage cheese. She has a real problem.”

Lindsay Lactor, the actual milkaholic, is now suing Lindsay Lohan for suing E-Trade because the exposure has made her own struggles with addiction an embarrassing public spectacle.

Lohan’s attorney brushed off the Lactor dispute and reiterated, “This is a subliminal message. Everybody’s talking about it and saying it’s Lindsay Lohan.”

The challenge for Lohan, however, is that prior to launching the suit, nobody thought about her at all. Legal experts say this may jeopardize her chances of getting the case before a judge. “Plus,” said one analyst, “if she gets in front of a judge, she might end up back in jail for outstanding warrants.”

Still, Lohan remains steadfast in seeking an injunction to force the spot off the air. She is also demanding $100 million in damages. “That should just about cover my drug debt through April,” Lohan posted on her Twitter page. Her three followers wished her luck.