Categorized | Books, Newspapers & Misc

Romney Devours ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ In Effort to Win Over Female Voters

Romney Devours ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ In Effort to Win Over Female Voters

WASHINGTON D.C. – In a new and controversial campaign strategy designed to appeal to female voters, Republican nominee Mitt Romney began reading the wildly popular erotic novel Fifty Shades of Grey.

Rich Cromwell, a Romney campaign advisor, suggested that while the economy, education, and abortion rights have typically been issues women are most vocal about, the highest trending topic among the demographic is currently Fifty Shades of Grey.

RIGHT: Romney caught on camera at a local book store, getting in touch with his inner beast. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

“The issues on women’s minds are important to Mitt Romney,” Cromwell said of the former Massachusetts governor. “So whether it’s job growth, gas prices, or Christian Grey’s Red Room of Pain, Mr. Romney wants to be in touch with the women of America.

“You can’t go anywhere without running into women talking about this book,” Cromwell continued. “My wife is talking about it. Her friends are talking about it. Hell, even my mother in law is talking about it. Which is kind of gross,” admitted Cromwell.

Campaign workers were reportedly ordered to secure a copy of the erotic book for Romney before a recent transcontinental flight. Sources from within the Romney camp say he took the book with him to the back of the campaign plane, then excused himself to his private sleeping quarters where he remained for the duration of the 6 hour flight.

Upon landing on the west coast, Romney asked an aide to make immediate arrangements for his wife Ann to join him.

Mrs. Romney appears to be in support of her husband’s latest move to sway female voters. “I think this proves how much he cares about women. I’m glad he’s read the book; it has helped put him in touch with the needs of female voters. Now he knows what’s on their minds. Now he knows what they want…he knows EXACTLY what they want,” she concluded while biting her lip.

Democrats, however, have been quick to criticize the move, calling it a “desperate and pathetic” attempt to pander to women.

Former President Bill Clinton, who spoke with reporters outside a Seattle fundraiser on President Obama’s behalf, weighed in on the Republican strategy.

“Listen, men of the world fall into two camps: those who need to read a book to be able to relate to women, and those who can single-handedly boost profits for the entire cigar industry.”

“Although, I wasn’t working single-handedly, if you know what I mean,” Clinton added.

When asked if he had read Fifty Shades of Grey, the former President winked and replied, “I don’t need to.”


This post was written by

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Jenn Lane Dignan is a freelance writer from the Boston area. She is also the author of the blog Playing House: Jenn Lane Dignan's stories originally appear on The Indy Tribune.


2 Responses to “Romney Devours ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ In Effort to Win Over Female Voters”

  1. Sheogorath says:

    Apparently, Mitt Romney has since literally devoured the entire Fifty Shades trilogy in hopes of ‘driving the female population of voters crazy with all the sex inside’.

  2. Bee says:

    I am a woman and I think about custard, a lot.


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