Black Fists of Power Magazine Scores Attorney General Eric Holder Interview

Chicago (AP) – In an exclusive interview with Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Black Fists of Power Magazine Managing Editor, America’s Chief Law Enforcement Officer continued to dodge responsibility for malfeasance at the Department of Justice that even the Associated Press and the New York Times have been unable to ignore.

”I categorically reject any evidence which disproves my assertion I had no knowledge of rogue operations authorized at the highest levels of the DOJ,” Holder told Reverend Wright.

The Attorney General also revealed he is disappointed in the New Black Panther Party’s “ineffectual incendiary rhetoric” following the Trayvon Martin shooting in Sanford, Florida last winter.  “They didn’t start the fire; they were supposed to light it, but it never ignited.”

The NBPP’s failure to spark a race war prompted Holder to sever ties with the group and forge a relationship with its more militant offshoot, Al Sharpton’s Even Newer Black Panther Party.

An excerpt from the interview:

You were charged with Contempt of Congress last month for stonewalling House Oversight Chairman Darrell Issa on the “Fast and Furious” [aka “Gunwalker”] probe.  As Attorney General, you’re responsible for arresting yourself.  Why hasn’t this happened yet?

I was working from home when the motion passed.  I immediately went to the DOJ to take myself into custody, but my staff told me I hadn’t been in all day.  The FBI is staking out my office and will inform me when I appear.  No word so far.

Will you be able to block the “Gunwalker” investigation through the elections?

I’m not “blocking” anything, Reverend.  I’ve turned over to the Committee all the documents they’ve requested—more than one hundred thousand pages.  Apparently, the Chairman is upset everything has been blacked out because of “Executive Privilege,” the long-held doctrine allowing President Obama to ignore our system of checks and balances at his whim.

So, the “Fast and Furious” imbroglio doesn’t worry you?

No.  My people now refer to the matter as “Past and Spurious.”  However, God forbid Issa finds out about ”Massed and Fissionable.”

”Massed and Fissionable?”

Aka ”Nukewalker.”  ATF agents, posing as disaffected military, are, as we speak, completing negotiations for the sale of suitcase nukes to Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s ”Cold Case Posse,” an Arizona white supremacist group obsessed with discovering what the media’s been suppressing about the president’s background.  This is off the record, Reverend.

Mum’s the word.

Arpaio thinks he’s running a sting. Actually, I’m running one on him.  Arrests are imminent.

So, you’ll play the dodge as a domestic nuclear Armageddon thwarted by your vigilance.  And getting Arpaio and his posse off the president’s case is a bonus?

Correct.  The miscreants will be held in isolation until January.  One additional benefit: Arpaio’s plot provides the administration cover to scrap our entire nuclear arsenal, ensuring that U. S. nukes never again pose a threat to Americans.  The president’s hope and dream is that other nuclear powers follow his example.  If we aren’t incinerated by Russia or China after the gesture, he’s a shoo-in for another Nobel Peace Prize.

Years from now, what would you like people to say about your tenure at the DOJ?

Eric Holder—an Attorney General who harassed the truth halfway around the world in order to keep it from putting its pants on.