British PM David Cameron today admitted that “in the clearest possible terms” Britain is currently stretched to breaking point.
Military involvement in Iraq, Afghanistan, and now Libya have undoubtedly taken a heavy toll on available resources, and the financial squeeze has resulted in Britain having no ships in its navy and no planes in its air force.
Add to this the crippling cost of welfare payments to the workshy, not to mention an exodus of wealthy retirees to the Spanish Costas, and the inevitable result is the implosion of a nation.
Now, to further exacerbate the situation, news is filtering through that even leading British satirists are joining the so called ‘brain drain.’
“The UK satire market isn’t what it used to be,” a leading satirist opined. “The scene is pretty stale right now, so increasing numbers of satirists are taking their blood-drenched quill pens overseas. Of course, most are relocating to English-speaking nations, such as the USA, Canada, Australia and New Zealand, where there appears to be a receptive market for the scribblings of ruthless maniacs, whose sole aim in life appears to be to decapitate the great and the good.”
Analysts appear to be unanimous in their view that the nomadic satirists will find the going rather difficult, particularly in the United States.
“They’re clearly at a disadvantage,” one boffin explained. “Most of them know very little about the likes of Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Bernie Madoff or Brett Favre, so they’re way out of touch. Oh, sure, they’re all pretty well acquainted with President Obama, George W Bush and Charlie Sheen, but all that stuff is old hat these days.
“If they really want to prove that they’re at the cutting edge, they’re going to have to do some pretty quick catch-up on the real hot topics such as Dancing On Ice, American Idol, The Disney Channel, and the Twilight cast. They’ll just have to get it into their stupid, arrogant heads that if they want the big numbers they’ll have to focus on Glee, Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez, et al – and preferably in a sexually suggestive context.”
“Works for me, all that stuff,” one British site administrator commented. “That teeny bopper stuff from the States is what keeps my site going. Nobody wants the funny stuff any more. It’s all about names and sexy headlines.”
Britain may not be dead yet, but it’s certainly floundering in the water.
More as we get it.
Good satire, Skoob. And another vote for Craig, plus a warning to the British satirists: “Don’t Tread on Me” (or the rapidly shrinking market for satire in the U.S.). Oh yes, there’s been a corporate take-over by the major and cable news networks, a blitzkrieg of sorts, blurring the lines between news and bullsh8t to the point of being indistinguishable. That’s what happened as a result of the German Journalist Migration into American news. Enough of this illegal immigration and Europeans taking our jobs. I say we throw tea into the harbors…and hope they stop to drink it.
Nae lassie, he’s only of Scots birth. Craig is now a proud American, and a wicked sharp wit.
I prefer Craig Ferguson to any of the other late night hosts. He has some damned good writers, and of course, the accent doesn’t hurt. Oh wait, he’s a Scot innit?
Clearly not commentary based on personal experience… Bloody Brits are welcome here anytime! I think, as a general rule, our beer is colder here as well. “So we got dat going for us, which is good”.
Always a good read, Skoob. Keep ’em coming.
I’d say skip The Tonight Show and replace it with Tosh.0.
Very good….
Hey, wait a minute!
You mean they’re all coming over here?
Don’t we have enough of our own already?
If you want to learn about American satirism Dr.Rfreed recommends that you take 2 doses of Saturday Night Live, 3 doses of the Daily Show, 4 injections of The Simpsons (don’t use the movie) and an occasional smattering of The Tonight Show and call me in the morning.
And we don’t do house calls here in the States.