In this time of crisis,
lack of execution at the federal level
is costing lives
We should start
Masks with identity and personality?
In the new normal will you order custom masks online?
Virus-protecting, but in your own image and/or any other image you might want,
a hundred for $10.
Every day a Halloween masquerade.
How to arm a geddon —
call a pandemic a hoax,
hinder states that try to defend themselves,
stir up hatred and resistance to safety measures.
Trump is good at it.
Future sex in the new normal —
Participants wear full-body transparent condoms
and practice touch-sensitive total intimacy
without direct contact.
We have so much to look forward to.
The Coronavirus Waltz —
step, two three
turn, sit, a
djust screen enlarge image,
Assure her that you love her with a love that is virtual
and, by necessity, virtuous as well.
Sequestered together, endlessly,
the simplest disagreement became a major argument.
Then one morning they found two packages on the kitchen table.
One from him to her, the other from her to him.
Inside each was a one-word note — “Up”
They had each given “Up”
“How can you date in a time of social distancing?”
“Easy. I checked my DNA on ancestry and 23andme.”
“How does that work?”
“They help me connect with distant cousins.”
Having accidentally teleported to the 21st century,
Stanley looked for Livingstone online.
And when he found him, he greeted him,
“Livingstone, I Zoom.”
I finally got
disposal gloves and
Now I need to get a large supply of
Why aren’t companies distributing masks
with their logos and ads printed on them?
Puff the magic blanket
lived in my bed
and frolicked in pandemic mist
in a land called stuck at home.
Series of early reading books for home schooling,
“Run, nose, run…”
A covert operation
carried out by
led to the pandemic.
Hence the name.
Biden should offer free masks for all,
with the label
Restore America’s health.
Due to a typo in his online grocery order
instead of snacks.
he got snakes.
Surgeons, doctors and nurses are
officers in this war against coronovirus.
When I see one, I’m tempted to say,
Whatever you want, Surge.”
isn’t much fun to play.
If ultraviolet light work doesn’t work,
try ultraviolet heavy.
If disinfectant doesn’t work,
try dish infectant.
Or just eat bull shit.
Who doubts the existence of alien life?
We see Trump on television every day.
Another name of stimulus checks —
Trump’s goal in life —
to leave the world a bitter place.
Imagine the magnitude of our progress
in just a few years
going from occupy Wall Street
to occupy yourself.
Donny has great presidents of mind.
Not constrained by common sense,
he thinks outside the box.
Hence his slogan,
“The box stops here.”
When you have an infestation of lie-ce,
nitpicking is necessary.
you win some,
you awe some.
“I’m looking forward to when restaurants reopen.
I finally want to try a naked one.”
“Yes, of course.
How do oysters and clams combat
the spread of coronavirus?
Sea shell distancing.
He’s a true patriot.
Since the beginning of the pandemic,
he’s been taking social disdancing lessons.
Latest poll —
100% of Trump supporters
who have died of coronavirus
do not plan to vote for him in November.
We live in a time of negativity and uncertainty.
No one wants to test positive.
The new Trump appointee
filled his sink with talcum powder
and repeated over and over:
2 + 2 = 5
He was practicing speaking truth to powder,
but didn’t want to seem like a smartass.
The native was confused by the theological arguments
of those who sought to convert his people.
Until he met a preacher’s daughter
who taught him
the missionary position.
Trump loves tests.
He’s pro tests.
He suppports all kinds of protests.
A young lady is binge-eating to fight the pandemic.
She is thereby flattening her curves
and encouraging social distancing.
Why did Trump hire the Lone Ranger?
Because he has a silver bullet.
Trump pardoned Cain for killing Abel.
(Never trash a good hitman.
You never know when you might need his services.)
For many, rent is due May 1.
A simple way for Congress to fix that problem,
at no cost to the government.
Change the calendar.
Insert 12 new months.
Name them after senators if that will help get it passed.
Rename May 2021 as May 2020.
May Day! May Day!
Mr. Anyone is drowsy, depressed,
distanced from everyone
Now he hopes that online gambling
will make things bettor.
Hearing that personal grooming businesses
were opening in Georgia,
Mr. Anyone drove a thousand miles to
get a manicure.
He didn’t know what women were going to do,
but he needed a cure pronto.
This year will be renamed
as the beginning of the Post-Pandemic Era —
Ginsburg’s Gallic War —
She came, she saw, she conquered.
Trump’s response — The gall of the woman…
Self-isolating as they knew they should
the would-be beachgoers
surfed online and
prayed to Sand Peter and Sand Paul
and sang, “We shell overcome.”
Words needed to express our pandemic experience.
“Lockation” where you will be for the duration.
“Lockmate” your partner for the duration.
I’m thinking of becoming a doctor
when this ends,
if it ends.
With all this experience with
masks and gloves and disinfectant washing,
I must be more than half-way there.
He dreamed of squadrons of viruses
at basic training,
“I wanna be an airborne ranger,
Live the life of guts and danger…”
Why did Santa shop at a sex boutique?
He needed shocking stuffers.
In ancient times,
when a plague struck,
the emperor issued a
stay at Rome order.
The nation’s monetary policy
should not be determined solely by the Fed.
The UnFed and the FedUp also deserve a voice.
When Trump is crowned king,
he’ll hold a coronanation ceremony,
with a much bigger audience than his inauguration,
because the ghosts of those he has killed will attend.