285
In this time of crisis,
lack of execution at the federal level
is costing lives
We should start
by executing
Trump first.
286
Masks with identity and personality?
In the new normal will you order custom masks online?
Virus-protecting, but in your own image and/or any other image you might want,
a hundred for $10.
Every day a Halloween masquerade.
287
How to arm a geddon —
Undermine preparedness,
ignore warnings,
call a pandemic a hoax,
hinder states that try to defend themselves,
stir up hatred and resistance to safety measures.
Trump is good at it.
288
Future sex in the new normal —
Participants wear full-body transparent condoms
and practice touch-sensitive total intimacy
without direct contact.
We have so much to look forward to.
289
The Coronavirus Waltz —
step, two three
turn, sit, a
djust screen enlarge image,
smile.
Assure her that you love her with a love that is virtual
and, by necessity, virtuous as well.
290
Sequestered together, endlessly,
the simplest disagreement became a major argument.
Then one morning they found two packages on the kitchen table.
One from him to her, the other from her to him.
Inside each was a one-word note — “Up”
They had each given “Up”
291
“How can you date in a time of social distancing?”
“Easy. I checked my DNA on ancestry and 23andme.”
“How does that work?”
“They help me connect with distant cousins.”
292
Having accidentally teleported to the 21st century,
Stanley looked for Livingstone online.
And when he found him, he greeted him,
“Livingstone, I Zoom.”
293
I finally got
disposal gloves and
disposable masks.
Now I need to get a large supply of
disposable income.
294
Why aren’t companies distributing masks
with their logos and ads printed on them?
295
Puff the magic blanket
lived in my bed
and frolicked in pandemic mist
in a land called stuck at home.
296
Suggestion:
Series of early reading books for home schooling,
starting with
“Run, nose, run…”
297
A covert operation
carried out by
nine teens
led to the pandemic.
Hence the name.
298
Biden should offer free masks for all,
with the label
Restore America’s health.
Vote Biden.
299
Due to a typo in his online grocery order
instead of snacks.
he got snakes.
300
Surgeons, doctors and nurses are
officers in this war against coronovirus.
When I see one, I’m tempted to say,
“Yes, Surge.
Whatever you want, Surge.”
301
The play-g
isn’t much fun to play.
302
If ultraviolet light work doesn’t work,
try ultraviolet heavy.
If disinfectant doesn’t work,
try dish infectant.
Or just eat bull shit.
303
Who doubts the existence of alien life?
We see Trump on television every day.
304
Another name of stimulus checks —
play-g dough.
305
Trump’s goal in life —
to leave the world a bitter place.
306
Imagine the magnitude of our progress
in just a few years
going from occupy Wall Street
to occupy yourself.
307
Donny has great presidents of mind.
Not constrained by common sense,
he thinks outside the box.
Hence his slogan,
“The box stops here.”
308
When you have an infestation of lie-ce,
nitpicking is necessary.
309
Cheer up.
Remember,
you win some,
you awe some.
310
“I’m looking forward to when restaurants reopen.
I finally want to try a naked one.”
“Naked?”
“Yes, of course.
The buffet.”
311
How do oysters and clams combat
the spread of coronavirus?
Sea shell distancing.
312
He’s a true patriot.
Since the beginning of the pandemic,
he’s been taking social disdancing lessons.
313
News flash:
Latest poll —
100% of Trump supporters
who have died of coronavirus
do not plan to vote for him in November.
314
We live in a time of negativity and uncertainty.
No one wants to test positive.
315
The new Trump appointee
filled his sink with talcum powder
and repeated over and over:
2 + 2 = 5
He was practicing speaking truth to powder,
but didn’t want to seem like a smartass.
316
The native was confused by the theological arguments
of those who sought to convert his people.
Until he met a preacher’s daughter
who taught him
the missionary position.
317
Trump loves tests.
He’s pro tests.
He suppports all kinds of protests.
318
A young lady is binge-eating to fight the pandemic.
She is thereby flattening her curves
and encouraging social distancing.
319
Why did Trump hire the Lone Ranger?
Because he has a silver bullet.
320
News flash:
Trump pardoned Cain for killing Abel.
(Never trash a good hitman.
You never know when you might need his services.)
321
For many, rent is due May 1.
A simple way for Congress to fix that problem,
at no cost to the government.
Change the calendar.
Insert 12 new months.
Name them after senators if that will help get it passed.
Rename May 2021 as May 2020.
322
May Day! May Day!
Mr. Anyone is drowsy, depressed,
distanced from everyone
including himself.
Now he hopes that online gambling
will make things bettor.
323
Hearing that personal grooming businesses
were opening in Georgia,
Mr. Anyone drove a thousand miles to
get a manicure.
He didn’t know what women were going to do,
but he needed a cure pronto.
324
This year will be renamed
as the beginning of the Post-Pandemic Era —
1 PPE.
325
Ginsburg’s Gallic War —
She came, she saw, she conquered.
Trump’s response — The gall of the woman…
326
Self-isolating as they knew they should
the would-be beachgoers
surfed online and
prayed to Sand Peter and Sand Paul
and sang, “We shell overcome.”
327
Words needed to express our pandemic experience.
“Lockation” where you will be for the duration.
“Lockmate” your partner for the duration.
328
Interminable
internment
feels like
interment.
329
I’m thinking of becoming a doctor
when this ends,
if it ends.
With all this experience with
masks and gloves and disinfectant washing,
I must be more than half-way there.
330
He dreamed of squadrons of viruses
at basic training,
singing
“I wanna be an airborne ranger,
Live the life of guts and danger…”
331
Why did Santa shop at a sex boutique?
He needed shocking stuffers.
332
In ancient times,
when a plague struck,
the emperor issued a
stay at Rome order.
333
The nation’s monetary policy
should not be determined solely by the Fed.
The UnFed and the FedUp also deserve a voice.
334
When Trump is crowned king,
he’ll hold a coronanation ceremony,
with a much bigger audience than his inauguration,
because the ghosts of those he has killed will attend.