Walt Disney Raises Ticket Prices From Beyond the Grave

Anaheim, California – The Disney Corporation announced a $4 per ticket price increase this week for general admission tickets to both its Disneyland and Disney World theme parks.

Disney executives cited the rising cost of power as the main reason for the price hike. “In California, we have an 85 acre theme park to power and energy prices just keep going up,” said Thomas O. Staggs, Chairman of Disney Parks and Resorts.

RIGHT: Disney hoped that when he is revived, science will finally have perfected the anthropomorphic dog. (CLICK TO ENLARGE.) Image appears courtesy of Steve Ryan at ElectricUnderpants.com.

“Combine that with the huge underground cryonics lab and storage facility beneath the park, and we just we just can’t afford to keep going without bringing in more revenue,” he said.

Walt Disney, the founder of the Disney empire, was cryogenically frozen upon his death in December 1966. His body is stored in a specialized refrigerated tank under the park until such time as medical science can find a way to both unfreeze him and cure the lung cancer that took his life.

The overall cost of cryogenic storage is further complicated by the presence of 40 frozen children in the facility. The children were selected from local orphanages to accompany Disney on his journey to the afterlife.

“Walt loved kids and he was afraid that by the time science figured out how to bring him back, children would no longer be necessary,” said Staggs. “He was convinced that scientists would eventually find a way to reproduce humans by cloning our brains and placing them in specially prepared full-grown clone bodies. Walt just wanted to make sure there were some kids in the future for him to entertain.”

While the cost of cryogenically preserving 40 children is prohibitive, park officials believe that, since they were alive when frozen, the children will be easier to revive, saving money in the long run.

Disney officials say it may be necessary to raise prices again early next year when the auxiliary cryo-storage facility is completed, housing mainly dwarves and woodsmen.

Author: Steve Ryan

Like a true Renaissance man, Steve is fond of gorging himself on large turkey legs, suffering from bouts of the plague and being grossly overweight. But he still finds time to be a filmmaker, writer, comedian and attorney. He produced the feature-length documentary "The Seattle Pilots: Short Flight Into History" and, with Mykal Lewis, produced the cult-classic sketch comedy show Smith and Jones Cable. (It’s a small cult.) In addition to his work for Glossy News, Steve also maintains a website where he keeps his brain stuff. ElectricUnderpants.com

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