Is Facebook Life or is Life Facebook?

I’ve been a member of this site called Facebook for a few years now. At first I was pretty enamored with it.

The fascination was fun but has gradually tapered.

I’ve received a few slightly unusual private messages from Facebook in the past but didn’t think much of them until now.

I recently spent eleven days in Tijuana on a volunteer/charity mission. I lead a team of three of my friends in a project aimed at improving the quality of life for many of the prostitutes in Tijuana.

We spent eleven exhausting days meeting, feeding and providing upgraded housing for as many of these exploited young women as we were physically able to over this period of days and nights. By devoting this time and getting to know these young women, we were able to offer advice on how each of them can improve their lives. It was a deeply satisfying act of giving and receiving.

While my humanitarian contributions are commendable, that is not entirely what this article is about. My time in Tijuana was dedicated to the cause at hand and I honestly can’t remember if I even logged on to the internet once during the mission.

I slept for four and a half days straight when I returned home due to jet lag. When I awoke on the fifth or sixth evening I checked my email and noticed six new messages from Facebook, minus the name of the author of each message. Curious to see who they were from, I logged into my account to check.

The first five messages looked kind of short so they weren’t important. The sixth message, however, was massive so I read it about six or seven days later. I’m on Facebook every now and again when I’m not drunk and it’s not bad. I didn’t really realize how awesome Facebook was until I read this message, though.

I was wondering if anyone reading who may be a member of Facebook has ever received a similar message? If so, has it changed your Facebook habits or life in general? Also, feel free to copy and paste unique status updates that you’ve shared personally on Facebook in the past. I’m gonna wrap this up and get back to posting, so here’s a copy of the message:

Apparently you did not receive the memo. You’ve been consistently under your status update weekly quota number for over seven months now. Your lack of updates is a very concerning and potentially detrimental to your standing within the Facebook Family. Facebook is a family that shares everything.

Your lack of enthusiasm for sharing with friends and strangers is a clear sign of disrespect for the universe that Facebook has developed. Please increase your participation on the site. Do so with the pride and vigor that Facebook so strongly embraces.

We encourage you to post any and everything that you feel like typing or uploading. Having a bad day? Type something that doesn’t include any Anti-Semetic remarks about it! When’s the last time that you posted what you were cooking for dinner as you were cooking it? How about taking and immediately uploading a picture of one of your pets whenever you notice it asleep?

Thinking “outside of the package” is what makes Facebook the greatest civilized culture in history. Facebook loves EVERY single one of their friends. Facebook understands how spending as much time on Facebook as possible can build relationships, social skills and enhance life immensely.

Lack of sharing with family can indicate a lack of self esteem. On Facebook, no-one suffers from any self esteem issues. Even if you are unhappy in life, being active and learning to share on Facebook can make it seem to the rest of the family as though your life is perfect.

As you spend more and more time on the site and increase your updating rate with random posts, you will find the Facebook Flair that you may be lacking. Facebook does all that it can to keep every friend happy and instill the Facebook life as easily as possible.

If you do not exceed your weekly post quota any time over the next four weeks and log in to check other posts a minimum of thirteen times per day action may be taken. There is a manual with tips on how to exceed your quota and post successful status updates and pictures that may get commented on or liked.

This is available for 350 Red Gems. We firmly suggest that you obtain and read this. Facebook is not just family anymore, Facebook is life. Enjoy the life that you were blessed with.

Author: Sir Matthew Galazin

If anyone is willing to pay me big money for writing or acting, get in touch.

2 thoughts on “Is Facebook Life or is Life Facebook?

  1. OUTRAGEOUS…ABSURD…OUTLANDISH…WEIRD…BIG BROTHERISH…SCARY…DELUDED…CRAZY…FLABBERGASTINGLY NOT SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!etc, etc…………………………………………..

  2. Amazing discussion thus far! I’m afraid that someday soon the incomprehensible number of comments for one of my articles is going to cause the site to crash permanently, though. I know that I have a lot of fans, but it’s getting difficult to keep up on the comments and messages every time I post something. Have some respect.

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