HOLLYWOODLAND, California (GlossyNews) — In a move sure to shake the entertainment world to its core, Sarah Palin, the poster girl for dumb broads everywhere, has found another way to pimp out a family member to get her palms greased by a Hollywood Republican. She has apparently blown the right person to get her Down Syndrome son, Trig, cast as Gary Coleman’s character, Arnold Jackson, in the upcoming movie remake of Diff’rent Strokes.
On her Fox News Commentary, Media Whore and Mama Grizzly, Sarah Palin, was asked about her latest publicity stunt while she was ensconced in that bizarre ritual where she points a lot. “I am just trying to show the World the Tea Party, which I wholeheartedly represent, does not have a racist bone in its body,” she answered. “So I am offering up my own white grandson, I mean son, who I didn’t abort when I could have, to play the beloved Arnold Jackson in the Diff’rent Strokes movie coming out in 2012. Oh, I’ve got some Stage Mother in me, don’t we all, so when we got the offer, I couldn’t redafutiate it. And in another year or two, Trig will look the part of the orphan from Harlem once we either dip him in a big bucket of crude oil or blow some coal dust in his face. All he has to do is open his eyes wide and say those famous 5 words every few minutes. I’ve got Jessica Simpson, one of the best Shakespearean actresses on earth, coaching him, and who knows where this will take us, wink, wink.” Then she pointed at something in thin air.
Variety Magazine reports other actors on board to round out the cast are Ex-Cons OJ Simpson as Willis and Lindsay Lohan as Dana Plato’s character, Kimberly. Nancy Reagan is scheduled to play the maid and Michael “Disneydick” Eisner will play himself as the wealthy adoptive father.
The movie will revolve around a situation where an evil bicycle store owner, played by Russell Brand, attempts to molest Willis and Kimberly while Arnold uses his computer smarts to ensnare the criminal in a “Home Alone” type scenario.
I love you tawdry!
Gosh-can’t a mind just go slumming sometimes? Thanks for the feedback! Very much appreciated.
Well I hear ya Tyson. This article has some amazingly deft touches, but most of it comes off like cheap shot straight partisan stuff. Overtly partisan satire is VERY difficult to do well.
If one can find no fondness in their heart towards the people they’re lampooning, maybe step back and find something endearing about those we mock.
Make them loveable scoundrels, or blissfully ignorant Jackasses, but give the reader something in 3D. That’s why I avoid the straight partisan stuff.
I quite enjoy writing that a Bank is too big to succeed, and so is shut down by a Federal gov’t that perhaps is also too big to succeed.
Down Syndrome Palin kid certainly isn’t off limits to me. Not a PC bone in my body. But take it somewhere unexpected, that’s all I’m saying?
Well I am not PC by any means and I surely understand that Palin is a polarizing character.
I like the reference to the Mama grizzlies, and the insinuation that Palin is a relentless publicity whore. I can appreciate calling her a dumb broad. I like the slam at big oil and coal. the best part is making up nonsensical words. These are all nice touches.
The thing that kept this from coming together for me was this.
In writing satire I believe there is a ratio of offensiveness/message that needs to be kept. If you are going to make fun of a down syndrome kid their needs to be a serious point being made. The point of the article seems to be “I hate sarah palin.” I don’t think that point matches the offense.
In general I would say that when there is a weaker article on the site it is because there is a lack of message.
“Although satire is usually meant to be funny, its greater purpose is constructive social criticism, using wit as a weapon.”
satire for the sake of satire defeats the purpose.
Well Tyson, we got to be big kids about this deal. Very same public persona aspects that endear Ms. Palin to 20 percent of US population, they engender revilitudification from another 20 percent. Good with the bad, n’est-ce pas?
I’m no PC hall monitor. I observe objectively there just IS some funny material in Ms. Palin. Myself, could probably think of 3 funny stories on her in 15 minutes.
As a published writer (restroom grafitti counts as ‘published’ right?) I just challenge everybody to not settle for the easy.
I think this attitude is exactly why there aren’t more outspoken conservative women and minorities. When they go public, liberals in typical tolerant fashion, do anything and everything to crush and defame them.
Thanks LT, but Sarah Palin is drop dead nasty. I was simply returning fire.
That had a few brilliant flourishes, but mostly it came off as drop dead nasty, at least to me anyway. You can write better than this cheap shot stuff, I’ve read your work.