Categorized | Entertainment

U.S./Russia to Exchange Spies – Lohan, Gibson Included in Deal

U.S./Russia to Exchange Spies – Lohan, Gibson Included in Deal

NEW YORK, NY (GlossyNews) — In a throwback to the days of the Cold War, the U.S. and Russia will reportedly exchange individuals that each side has charged with spying. The 10 people arrested by the FBI on June 27 for participating in an alleged Russian spy ring will be included as well as Russian researcher Igor Sutyagin, charged with spying for the CIA. The exchange will reportedly take place in London.

In a surprise move, the U.S. offered to include actress Lindsay Lohan and actor Mel Gibson in the deal, sending them off to Russia with the group of 10. The Russian government has reportedly agreed to taking the troubled actors. An anonymous Russian spokesman was quoted as saying, “We would prefer Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, but the U.S. was understandably reluctant to give up two prized assets who are still producing at a high level. We’re confident that with the right coaching and motivation, Lohan and Gibson will work well in our system. This is just the type of opportunity they both need to turn their careers around and contribute to a winning team.”

Lohan’s agent, Margaretha Geertruida Zelle, was unavailable for comment.

Gibson’s agent, Rudolf Abel, said, “I am not at liberty to discuss the details of any deal. However, Mel has always been a fan of the Russian people and would throw his best punch if he found himself living in Moscow.”

(Novodevichy Convent, Moscow photo by Anne-Laure PERETTI)


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Tim Queeney is a magazine editor and writer who frequently receives unique insider tips on news stories. Scribbled on "Battlefield Earth" note paper and jammed into old tuna fish cans, these tips regularly appear under an autographed Milli Vanilli record in his garage. For more of these breaking stories go to:


3 Responses to “U.S./Russia to Exchange Spies – Lohan, Gibson Included in Deal”

  1. P. Beckert says:

    Quote: This is just the type of opportunity they both need to turn their careers around and contribute to a winning team.

    I disagree, unless, of course, they are being sent to a Siberian labor camp to learn a lesson or two, then I’m all for the plan.

  2. tim queeney says:

    Well, in Russian “turn their careers around and contribute to a winning team” is usually translated into English as: “go directly to a Siberian labor camp and hew train trestles from virgin pine forest.”

  3. P. Beckert says:

    Ah, thanks for clearing that up. Now it all fits so nicely together. Your first contribution is well-received. Hope to see more Tim.


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